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Review:nott theodore says:
Hello! I absolutely love stories about minor characters like this, and I was really pleased that you requested it. It definitely does seem like an original idea for a story!

Since this is a story about minor characters, you have managed to catch my attention straight away. The thing that I'm most intrigued about here is your characterisation; at this point she seems to be growing up in a way that seems very similar to what Sirius had to go through. She seems really disillusioned with the pureblood society and her parents' beliefs, so I'm curious to know how she's going to end up being the woman who condemns her son for not following the pureblood line.

I find it quite believable that Walburga is feeling rebellious at this point, because it's quite a normal thing for teens to go through. Her thoughts are rather dark, but again, for someone who is feeling quite depressed or down, they're also believable and realistic.

One thing I would suggest you watch out for is your tenses; there's quite a lot of switching between present and past tense and it disrupts the flow of the story a bit.

Another aspect that you might want to pay a bit more attention to is the time that you're setting this in - I'm no expert in history, but there are certain things here that sound out of place. For example, the snack of cookies is quite American - in 1941 I doubt the term would have been much used here. 'Biscuits' is a much more English alternative. "Sure, he didn't speak to muggles" - the 'sure' at the beginning of this sentence seems quite American and I think perhaps something like 'certainly' would fit better with the period.

I think you convey the idea of a pureblood family really well. There are lots of constrictions in place, lots of rules that must be adhered to, and you communicate that through your writing. I can already see how suffocated Walburga and Alphard feel because of the family they have grown up in, and I'm intrigued to see how you're going to develop that in the rest of the story.

I hope this review was helpful for you, and please feel free to re-request!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Sian!

Thanks for the great review! I'm so happy you find it interesting- I was nervous that no one would want to read about Walburga.

I'm glad you find my characterization good; and that the dark thoughts weren't a little too over the top.

As for how Walburga turns into the woman we know her as, you'll just have to wait and see... ;D

I definitely am aware of my tenses- my thirteen year old self is having issues with grammar, naturally. But I will get a beta. I will also get a beta to fix my American slang! That is one thing I need to fix, of course.

I'm relieved you find my pureblood society well written. That was a part I was iffy on. But I trust you when you say it's a job well done!

Thanks!

-Janelle


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