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Review:Erised says:
Hi lovely! I'm here to fulfil my end of the bargain and leave some reviews for the amazing story you wrote for our Gryffindor Writing Challenge :) basically just a good excuse to catch up on all the amazing stories I have yet to read and review!

So I saw you posted up this little one-shot and I was intrigued. I can tell you now that I think this is your best writing so far. It's clear to see how you're switching up styles and including more description which is really nice to see :)

I enjoyed the tense you chose for the piece, as if Astoria were talking to Draco. I could imagine them chatting over how they first met to Scorpius or something and Astoria recalling how much of an impact Draco had on her. I liked that Draco wasn't too aware of her until later on after Hogwarts in the war - he was a little bit preoccupied after all!

Astoria's description of her interest in Draco was really nicely done. At first she's this shy schoolgirl who then transforms into a more confident and sadly hardened woman as the years go on, and I think you portrayed this well with the final scene of Draco and Astoria meeting at the Leaky Cauldron. I liked how her interest waned as she gained an idea of just what the Death Eaters were doing and opposed their ideals. It would be interesting to see how she aligns her husband's past with her own mantra.

I also found it very interesting that she didn't practice magic for three years - quite unusual for someone who's had magic as such an ingrained part of life since they were born. Original!

As I mentioned, your description is great here and there were a few little lines that added to the quite whimsical and ethereal feel of the piece. I liked how you said "Very soon, we were staring right into the eyes of war" - the imagery is very powerful.

I don't think Astoria should be so harsh on herself though for skipping out on the war. She was very young after all and would have been much less equipped to look after herself, mentally and physically. It created an interesting contrast between the two characters though - her wanting to fight on the 'good' side in comparison so Draco (sort of).

This was a really good one shot Adi and you should be proud! :)

Author's Response: Jennny. (takes a breath)...y!! :D
I get ever so excited when I see reviews from you... and there are FOUR! :D I can never do justice to how awesome your reviews are, in my replies, but I shall try!

Best writing? Woah. Thanks a lot! That is a huge compliment and it means a lot to me, especially coming from you because you are in a fair position to judge. I'm glad you liked how I've written this. It's a little different, I know. I'm glad it paid off :)

Haha, you might be on to something there, Jenny ", Maybe if you read on, you'll see :) He was preoccupied and JKR didn't really bring her up till the epilogue. Which is why I chose to bring it up like this :)

I wanted to show her develop as a person. I also wanted to show how she was her own person. Strong and independent. I'm glad that came through :) Thank you.

I was hoping to show how she had her own ideas, thoughts and opinions and how she was affected tremendously by the war. It was her coping mechanism, I guess :P

I'm so glad you found it original because I think it's really nice to hear, that as a writer you've managed to create something of your own. Especially in a community where there are so many great stories and ideas!

THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU :) Description is beautiful, and if I managed to do it well, I'm happy! I'm so glad you liked it! Imagery too is very important and I'm pleased that you enjoyed this :)

Haha, yes :) It is quite a contrast, right?
I think she has her regrets, and he, his. But it's the present (in the context of the story) that matters. i would love it if you read on!

You review, as usual, has made my day!
Keep on bein' amazing Jenny! :)
Thank youuuh.

PS- This is a short story :) (Hope that's a good thing :P)


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