Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Violet Gryfindor says:
This is a lovely one-shot! It was great to see a story about Amelia and the loss of the Bones family, though isn't there another sibling, since Susan later calls her Aunt Amelia? I do like the idea of Amelia being the youngest sibling, though it's hard to tell how old she is when this story takes place - if there's a way you could give more of a clue, I think it would help. Otherwise, I really like your characterization of her, not only as a book lover, but as someone deeply affected by the death of her family - it's almost as though the coldness is coming from her and the shadows are the ghosts of memory and fear rather than part of the house she's in. She's very realistically drawn and sympathetic, and it was nice to see how recognizable she was even though you never gave her last name - it was clear right away, and that's often hard to do with a minor character.

At first it had this wonderful Gothic feel to it with Amelia in her nightdress, wandering in this old house full of shadows - I especially liked the way that you likened her to a cobweb because it made her seem part of this rather Gothic setting in addition to emphasizing her physical and emotional delicacy. Your imagery is very good, creating an atmosphere steeped in magic, like this was a fairy tale castle. In fact, I'm rather reminded of "Beauty and the Beast", particularly the part when Belle, lost and alone in the castle, finds the library, a place she can truly love - a place that works to fill the hole left by her lost family. Amelia's love of books is powerful, and what made this story beautiful was how she finds her mother again, first through the books, then through her uncle. The library is entirely unlike the rest of the house, warm and inviting, without any trace of shadows, and the change of scene perfectly mirrors the story's change of mood. I haven't seen an atmosphere this well-done in a while, and it was fantastic to revel in the fairy tale/Gothic feel of it.

One thing that I think still needs work is that beginning section, mostly because there is some telling and repetition present. For instance, you write that "The room was cold" - it's so quickly followed by "Amelia shivered" that it's not really necessary - it also takes away from the next sentence, where she feels the coldness coming from her heart. It'd be more effective to not also say that the room was cold, if that makes sense? Another one is where you write "it was full of shadows. They were everywhere" - the second part isn't necessary because if a place is full of something, then they will naturally be everywhere. Just watch for things like that because they break up the flow of the narrative.

Great work on this story! I'm glad to have had the chance to read it! ^_^

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 617
Submit Report: