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Review:academica says:
Hi, I'm here with your requested review!

First off, wow, are you sure this doesn't need a sexual scenes warning? You've got quite a bit of allusion happening there! Haha.

I liked the overall theme of George bonding with his daughter and joking around with Angelina, and I felt like you did a good job transitioning gradually into the rhyming lines there at the end, though I have to admit that it didn't seem totally clear from the story why this stylistic direction was chosen, aside from the fact that it lends an obviously humorous touch to the story.

I really liked your characterization and the funny, light tone here--it helped keep this story from turning into a just a rumination about the business and Fred and the aftermath of the war. I also liked the little bit of imagery you had, like the way Angelina glared at her husband.

Hopefully this review is helpful. The only thing that seemed off was the reasoning for using the rhyming lines, if that makes any sense. It just feels a bit more forced and jarring without some kind of explanation for why it is occurring. Otherwise, though, I think you did a nice job.


Author's Response: Hello Amanda,

The reasoning was the rhyming potion that Roxanne activated when her ball knocked in the key ingredient (Muriel root). The effects were extant in the exposition as well as the dialogue because this is told from George's POV. Seems I wasn't clever enough to convey that in the narrative. I'll think of way to make that clearer to the reader. Thanks for your insights.

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