Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:academica says:
Hello, here with your requested review :)

I think you did a very nice job depicting Hugo's thanatophobia. I liked how he couldn't ever seem to get it out of his mind, how he kept "checking" himself to make sure he was still alive, and how he obsessed over the many ways in which it could occur. You really showed his avoidance and panic very well, and it seems quite realistic to me. The added layer that he is actually dying really makes the story very interesting and complex. I didn't spot anything diagnosis-wise that seemed really inaccurate or that needed to be added.

The final scene with his family was great, especially the part where Rose was the last one to talk to him before he finally passed away. I also liked the way Harry repeated Sirius's words in trying to comfort Hugo in his final days; that was a great nod to Harry's death in the last book.

The imagery here was also really well done. I liked how you personified Death and described her as being simultaneously scary and then sort of comforting there as Hugo embraces his own death and finally works through his fear.

There are only a couple little things that seemed off to me, and they are truly very tiny and don't really diminish the quality of this great story--

Since Hugo's disease is unknown, how do the doctors know for certain that he's going to die? Could you add a little more detail there to clarify that, like further description of how his body is affected by his symptoms?

Also, I think you could replace "air" with "oxygen" to be more specific and balance out the mention of carbon dioxide in the line about him wanting to keep breathing and experiencing life.

Overall, awesome job! The flow was great and you clearly used the challenge to produce an interesting and very emotional plot. I hope this review is helpful to you :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hey there Amanda!

I was really worried about the diagnosis part of it because after searching up some stuff on the fear of death it turned out that it went a lot deeper than just a fear of death so I was worried that I'd be leaving out a really important part.

I'm glad that you caught that part! I was actually thinking of the end of Deathly Hallows while I was writing the end of this because it helped out a lot what with Harry walking to his death and everything.

This was definitely very helpful to me. I'll keep in mind everything that you pointed out when I edit the story later today. Thank you so much for your feedback!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 542
Submit Report: