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Review:Haronione says:
Hi Aphoride! Here for the review battle :)

Ok, I'm going to start this review by saying that I absolutely loved this! So, I apologise if this review is short and gushing!

Your descriptions are just amazing and the details you have put into them are fantabulous :) They set the scene and tone of the story perfectly. You have a great writing style! Now, while the writing style amazed me the plot intrigued me. This first chapter has left me wanting me to read on to find out if Cygnus was murdered and if so who by. I am very interested to see where you take this story and how the plot plays out.

I also really liked your characterisations in this. Whilst reading this chapter I could really picture each of the characters reacting and behaving the way you have written them. I really liked Pollux. I could really see the head of the Blacks being so commanding and authorative, and the rest of the family not daring to disobey or contradict him. Scared of him. I just found it to be a very realistic portrayal of the larger Black family.

One thing that made me wonder though was why Barty Crouch was there at a Black family gathering. I found it a bit odd. But I am guessing there is a good explanation for this that will become evident as the story progresses? The only other thing I feel I should mention is the 'X' after the funeral march line. It's just that it momentarily took me out of the story and made me wonder why it was there. Was it a page break? If so I just think it would be better if you used a line or stars to indicate the page break. Sorry, this is a very small thing but I had to have some CC in the review ;)

All-in-all this was a strong, intriguing and well written opening chapter and I really enjoyed reading it! I look forward to reading more :D

Haronione ♥

Author's Response: Hey there - nice to see you in the Review Battle and thanks for stopping by! :)

Thank you so so much! I'm so glad you like it - I always worry that it drags too much with too much description, so I'm glad you think it doesn't! Thanks for saying it's made you want to read on as well - it's the first mystery thing I've written so I was a bit nervous about getting the mystery element right, so thanks! :)

Haha, yeah, he commands such an insane bunch of family members, he sort of has to be really, really intimidating, lol. Not all of them are scared of him, though ;) And not all of them are the whole time. Mostly the younger ones are. But I'm happy you liked them all - there were so many to portray!

Ah, yeah, Barty's presence will be explained later on (pretty much at the end), but there is a reason for it, I promise you (other than it being funnier!). Ooh, yeah, I use that in my word documents coz otherwise it messes up the horizontal lines when I try to copy/paste on here, but I'll definitely go through and edit it out - I think someone's mentioned it as well on a different story! Thanks for including that! :)

Thank you so much for the great review and hopefully I'll see you around again some time soon! :)

Aph xx


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