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Review:AlexFan says:
I'd say that this is definitely an original story. I've never seen a story told from Walburga's point of view, much less the point of view of her as a child so this was new for me.

I was a little confused at first when they started saying Mother because I thought things had changed before I realised that Walburga was a child and that was why everything was the way that it was.

My goodness, even as child she had some very dark thoughts. You wouldn't find normal children/ teens thinking in this way most of the time. Which brings to me to my question, how old is Walburga exactly because I'm pretty sure it was never mentioned.

I did notice that you switched between past and present tense throughout the chapter a lot which made the writing a little bit choppy because the verb tense kept changing. My suggestion would be to go through the chapter and make sure that everything is in the proper verb tense.

And some of the sentences were awkward to read because they didn't seem to flow right. My suggestion would be to maybe reword them a little so that it flowed better with the story.

But I think that you've definitely captured the pureblood family part perfectly. The way that Walburga seems to be growing up sounds like something that Sirius might have gone through as well. Even now, when there isn't much about Walburga I can already see how she became the way that she was later on simply by the way that she thinks, speaks and the way that her family treats her.

All in all, not a bad start to a story but I definitely think that it would benefit from a read through.

Author's Response: Grace!

Thanks so much for this review. It is full of critiques- and that's exactly what I wanted. I am definitely going to add Walburga's name in there. But as for the dark thoughts, she's sixteen years old, and very close to seventeen. It is common, actually, to find dark thoughts like this. Not in a normal, healthy teen, no. But in a depressed one, yes. I do tend to change tenses a lot, and will go through and double check that. And I'm notorious for awkward sentences. I'll go through and fix them! I'm glad you think that my pureblood society is well written. And she's growing up as Sirius did for a reason ;D

Thanks for the review!


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