Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:patronus_charm says:
Team Blue here :D

I really loved this first chapter, because it was just so different to most of the Marauders stories Iíve read. Yay! Someone else agrees with my head canon of Petunia and Lily being friends. Thatís the thing I liked most about this chapter by how we got to see the progression of their friendship with them starting off by cheering each other on then getting to the end of it when Petuniaís firmly ignoring her.

Another thing I really liked was how technically accurate your work! Most people focus on the story and the content but I feel this is such an important aspect of it, and to see you had put so much work into it really made my happy!

One minor CC at times I felt it was a little too listy like here, ĎMrs Evans, who was placing cereals and milk, toast, butter, jam and marmalade on the kitchen table, Ď so perhaps if you just said breakfast things or something similar it would lessen the feeling and make the sentence stronger instead of diluting it down with the list.

The way you made the Evans family really close was lovely. You could tell how interwoven they were and cared for each other that when the letter came I almost wished that it wouldnít because I knew what a great change it would make to their family and I didnít want their happiness to disappear.

The small thoughts about Snape were a great touch too, and it was interesting to see him viewed as the outsider. Not yet Lilyís friend but not firmly Petuniaís foe. It will be interesting to see how both of their feelings towards him strengthen greatly over the coming years.

A great first chapter in my opinion! :)

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hello again Kiana :) Thanks for another lovely review (my 50th!) yay!

I am so glad you loved this chapter! And yay, you have the same head canon as me about Lily and Petunia being friends :D I really feel it is more realistic that magic came between them and spoilt their relationship, and have believed this ever since PS when Petunia reacts so badly to Harry getting his Hogwarts letter.

This isn't the most plot driven or original first chapter, but I really felt that Lily getting her letter was the most important part to start this fic. So I am really happy that you appreciated the accuracy of it :) I am a stickler for canon!

I totally agree about your CC, it felt a bit listy as I wrote it so I will go back and change that and check for other parts that may be like that :)

Again, I always imagined the Evans' to be a close family, which is why (I think) Petunia is so upset about Lily's magic and leaving her. It really disrupts the whole family dynamics :(

The thoughts about Snape were edited in after DH came out as I wanted this to be as canon as possible. When editing it I was worried that there wasn't enough about Snape. So it's good to know you liked it.

Thank you again for the great review (sorry for rambling in my response ;)) I'm so glad you thought it was a great first chapter!

Haronione ♥


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 915
Submit Report: