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Review:Aphoride says:
Hey, long time no see ;)

So, I love how this is progressing. Back-story ticking along, plot moving forward... even though this was perhaps more of a filler chapter, it was still full of stuff happening.

Honestly, though, I think you might want to think about cutting it down. It's hugely long, and broken up into a lot of little sections. Maybe cut out the bit with Albus? It's not really necessary for character development or plot, since it would be more mysterious if Rose simply assumed it had Albus all over it... obviously, you know your story better than me, so it might be really necessary, but that's just the one I would perhaps think about cutting if I had to, tbh. Just something to think about!

I love the way you're developing Rose, and the Head Auror's relationship (are we ever going to get to find out his name?), and how she knows she's being used, but stays because of Hugo. It really does emphasis just how much she cares for him.

Speaking of which, I adore Hugo! He's just so adorable. Also, it's very realistic the way that he still has to get better on his own using his legs and learning to walk again, and things, rather than just having the spell cure it all, you know? The comparison between her improvement and his was lovely. I also love how almost naive he is, to the point that he doesn't think Al is evil (and maybe - maybe he's not quite evil at this point), but also he's much more grounded than she is, though they share the trait of accepting things relatively easily.

The sibling-bonding scenes were so sweet :)

I admit that I did like the glimpses of Al and Mr Walker with the elderly Rose, and how she tells him that it was only ever going to end one way and that at the end he'll see that. Obviously we can't know if it's true, but she's so convinced of it! Really makes it believable.

A quick formatting note: if you take out the spaces between the lines of text and the horizontal lines separating sections, it will look neater ;) At the moment, there's just quite a lot of white space. It's not a problem, though, tbh.

Yeah, I'm really enjoying this. I can't really find any more to say than I've already said before - there are no problems, the flow is good, if a little choppy at times, the characters are great, the plot is incredible... it's all going well! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Ugh, I have a problem with chapter length. Mostly because I want a significant amount of plot progression in each so that the story doesn't feel "stagnant" and most of the scenes work off of each other. I'm sorry you didn't like it! I don't post very often and when I do I want to give a significant chunk of story.

Glad you're liking the characters. The Head's first name is Vincent and I think it was mentioned in chapter 1 at some point. I'm you like Hugo as well!

Thanks again and I will bear your comments in mind :)


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