Hey - I'm back! I couldn't really stay away after that... I wanted to meet Albus ;)
Wow. Wow. Wow. He's an incredible character. I like how he's been shaped, almost, by Harry, to be what he becomes, you know, how Harry almost knows that Albus will be something, at least, if not exactly what when he says 'there must always be a Dark Lord'. It's kind of chillingly prophetic, you know?
I like how he contrasts so perfectly to Rose, as well. While they're both selfish, Albus is possessive on top of it - everything is about him and what he wants and thinks, etc. With Rose, at least she has the fact that she loves her brother to redeem her.
Scorpius is a lovely character, too. I like how he sort of insists that Albus is his friend, and then other the years, they become closer - sort of - but also stay as apart as always at the same time. It's an interesting thing to have - and takes away from some of the similarities Al shares with Tom Riddle (because they are pretty similar, tbh).
The only thing I would say is that you might want to think about cutting down on the number of little segments you put in each one. It can get distracting to keep switching from event to event, so it's something to bear in mind for the future chapters!
Also, though I'm sure you already have, you might want to think about weaknesses, particularly of Albus - because having clever, pretty characters who can do things other people can't and are popular and charming, etc. can get fairly close to Sue territory, and the plot is too good for that! Again, just something to be aware of ;)
Like before, I adore the idea of this and the plot, and you're just adding to the mystery so well. I like how their parents 'supposedly' die in a fire - I'm curious to see if that's actually the truth or if it turns out they didn't or something - and how they actually, in the beginning, at least, get on. I also like the little bits with the interviewer, asking questions, and how she doesn't want to answer them. It smacks of secrecy and lots of things she wants to hide!
So yeah, this is really coming along nicely - just a couple of things maybe to keep an eye on or think about, but other than that this is great! :)
Author's Response: Thanks again! I didn't intend for Albus to come across like Tom Riddle, but I guess there are commonalities. Although I don't intend Albus to be perfect by any means. The smart, handsome, charming exterior is intended to contrast with his inner workings. It was an intentional decision to make a "near perfect" character, at least in the superficial sense, but is (or comes to be) so morally distorted it no longer matters. His flaws, I assure you, are the driving force of this story.
Thanks for the constructive criticsm! I will bear it in mind. Glad you're liking the characters and mystery!