|Review:||nott theodore says:|
Hello, I'm here with your requested review!
I haven't actually read the Cassandra Clare books but I really do love the concept that you have here in this story. This is the first fanfiction I've read featuring vampires and I really like your original take on it; the speed, the heightened senses, the eyes, going out in daylight. There are one or two elements that you've included that feel really fresh (I'm no expert on vampire canon, but I've never seen them before) such as the fact that a vampire loses their magic when they're bitten, and that to become a vampire the victim has to drink the vampire's blood as well. They're really interesting details.
Your characterisation is brilliant so far. Obviously I can't really comment on consistency so far, but I like the way that you're portraying each of the characters. Lucy and Hugo (Lucy in particular) are some of the least written about next gen characters, so that alone is enough to grab my interest. I've also always thought that one of the Weasleys must have ended up being left out, so to me it makes sense that Lucy's been the outsider of the group.
I'm intrigued by Hugo's obvious change in thought towards her - I think at the moment that it might have been out of guilt because of her disappearance. I actually felt really sorry for him when Lucy lied about who'd bitten him! I can understand why she would have lied about it, but I think that Hugo will end up finding out sooner or later, and I'm interested to see how he'll react when he does.
At the moment I think Claudine - strangely - is actually my favourite character. Even though she's obviously done lots of bad things in the past and almost seems like a bit of a villain, but she really intrigues me and I hope she survives the slayer's attack, because I want to find out more about her!
And poor Hugo has been turned into a vampire when he has a vampire slayer girlfriend? Now I feel even more sorry for him; I think that having heard about vampires being killed, it might be even harder for him to come to terms with his life as a vampire. Now Alexis knows where Lucy lives too, and where Hugo is - there are so many things here that have me asking questions about what's going to happen next!
There were a couple of typos here and there, but since you said that there's already an edited version of this in the queue I won't point them all out now.
With regards to the particular areas you mentioned, I definitely think that it's interesting enough to make me want to read on. The ending alone, with that cliffhanger, is enough to do that. I really think you have a great start to this story and I can't wait to see what you're going to do with the rest of it!
As far as the subtle hints are concerned, I should probably warn you that I'm either really good or really bad at guessing these :P To me there seems to be something in the fact that Lucy is the first new vampire that's been allowed to join the London coven in the time that Claudine has been there. I'm also intrigued by the fact that nobody seems to know Claudine's last name, whilst all the other vampires have known surnames. And what on earth has she done to cross twenty-six different Ministries? Hopefully I've picked up on some of the hints you included!
This is a really great beginning to the story, and I hope that this review was helpful (I feel like I've just rambled a bit)! Please feel free to re-request!
Author's Response: Hi Sian! First of all, I'm really sorry about the unforgivable length of time it's taken me to respond to this review; I hope you can forgive me! ♥ I promise that in future, it'll never take this long!
I'm glad that you enjoyed the concept of Bite Club, and that you find the vampires' abilities to be original. Victims having to drink the vampire's blood comes from Buffy and The Vampire Diaries, but I'm pleased you like the fact that victims lose their magic when they turn. I didn't want to make vampires /too/ powerful, because then the wizarding world would be overrun with vampires and there'd be more than just Sanguini in the books. I'm trying to keep this story as interesting as possible, so it's great to hear you find the details interesting!
Yay! I enjoy writing about characters who aren't often written about, which is why I chose Lucy and Hugo to become vampires. I've felt that out of the Weasleys, Percy was the one who was most aloof and detached from the rest of the family, and I think as the Weasleys grew up, Molly and Lucy didn't see their cousins as often as the others saw each other. This isn't much of a problem for Molly, since she's quite a confident person, but when you couple it with Lucy's shyness, it becomes an issue. I wanted to highlight how even in a big family, someone can feel utterly alone, and I'm happy that it makes sense to you.
Hugo and Lily were two of the last people to see Lucy, so the guilt is there. I think it's made worse by the fact she's still in London, so she hasn't gone very far at all. Hugo /will/ discover the truth eventually, but how and when is being kept under wraps for the moment. He definitely won't be happy that Lucy lied.
*high fives* Claudine is my favourite character! She's definitely no angel, but she does have motives for what she does. They're not motives I always agree with, but it's a lot better than killing indiscriminately. You've probably seen by now that she does survive Alexis' attack, and I guarantee there will be more about her coming soon!
Poor, poor Hugo. He's definitely not going to have an easy time becoming a vampire, particularly because his life was so deeply embedded with his friends and family. Lucy, as the outcast, found it easier to drift away and let them presume she's dead, but Hugo's nothing like that. As for what happens next, there should be an update soon!
I'm really happy that you're enjoying Bite Club and that you'd like to read on; I should probably update soon, shouldn't I? Haha, I won't give you spoilers but I will say that in this case, you are really good at guessing what those subtle hints are :P
This review was very helpful indeed, (I love rambling, it's great) and I will be re-requesting now that I've responded! Thank you so much for reviewing, Sian, and once again I'm sorry for the delay!