Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:academica says:
Hey, I'm here for the Ravenclaw Review Battle :)

I really like the metaphor you constructed between a broken bone and Ginny's broken heart that will never fully heal. It's clear that she was deeply affected by the war, and it seems poetic and fitting that Harry is the one she runs to when she feels like she needs to be comforted.

I think the flow here was a little jagged to me because some of the language you chose seemed a bit too high. For example, this line:

Couldn't they have lived to bask in these times without fear?

It's not like modern life is without its imperfections, so the word "bask" feels inappropriate, especially when something simple like "live" would have worked. It just feels like you overdid it a bit with the description and it bogged down the flow for me. Of course, I do want to mention that there are other examples of imagery that I loved, probably because they were more direct and felt right for the moment, like:

The blankets seem like a sort of cocoon: warm, inviting and safe.

You might see what I mean if you go back and re-read this to see what parts feel natural.

Nice work!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hello! Sorry for the month and a half late response! Life has been exceedingly busy as of late...

I'm so glad you liked the story! This one was a really emotional piece for me to post because it started as a pretty personal writing that transformed into fan fiction after a while of thinking it over. I was also nervous about how well it would be percieved, but it looks like everyone has liked it a lot so far..

And I have noticed that the flow is a little jagged. This piece was written as a flow of consciousness sort of piece so honestly, I haven't gone through to edit anything more than grammar/spelling related things. I am aware of the issue though and I am planning on doing a bit of a revamp with this story, but I just haven't had the time to get to it.

Thank you so much for the review and I'm glad you enjoyed!
~Grimmerz


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 574
Submit Report: