Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:FredWeasleyIsMyKing says:
Heya!

It's Lauren from the forums - I have a different pen name which I now regret haha! I decided it was about time I came and reviewed your work!

Okay so this was crazy and confusing but I really enjoyed it. There was so many things going off and we had so much to keep up with but it did work. You did a really good job of getting in the prompts so well done.

I liked the aftermath of the Quidditch match - go Gryffindor! It was a typical party in the CR and it worked well. The fact they were all drunk made the things like Hagrid being in disguise really funny and - of course - believable. Who wouldn't believe the giant squid might be Hagrid after a few? Your Quidditch song was really awesome too!

Okay - Ron using Polyjuice to be Rowena - so bizzare! It really made me laugh though. When I had a look through the prompts I never expected to read that!

I love that you completely took me by surprise with the engagement. I presumed it would be Rose/Scorpius when she mentioned him being her boyfriend but I loved the twist the story took! Again, completely bizzare but it worked in the story.

I thought the whole kidnapping story was strange but I thought the fact George had made the whole thing up funny. I was surprised Ron didn't kill George though! Imagine if you found that out!

The ending was clever. Very clever. Was the whole thing a dream? I don't know but the open ending was great. I actually had a few things to point out but after reading the ending it made things a bit clearer. I liked it.

That being said, I do still have few points for you. A couple of sentences could be cleaned up a tad like this:

"A giant banner with a picture of a lion hung from the ceiling of the common room, and every time someone walked past the banner, the lion gave out a fearful roar. I don't think you need 'the banner' twice. You could say it the second time maybe?

"Ever since Rose had read that letter from Hermione" This seemed a tad odd to me - surely she'd call her mum, well, mum? You also say Harry instead of Uncle Harry?

"The three of us stepped outside and stood in the cool air for a few seconds." You changed to first person here - "us".

"Of course, Viola had three drinks on her, and she was never too good at wand-work anyway." I think you mean 'in' her?

One other point - did you mean House Cup or Quidditch Cup? You just mentioned Easter which is usually April and the House Cup isn't given until the end of the year and it was also after the Quidditch match.

Only a few things - nothing major!

This was a good read, well done on a great entry!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Hi Lauren! :)
I also have a different name on the forums, as you would have noticed, and I understand what you're saying!

Haha, thanks :D It was really hard incorporating so many prompts, but I did want to challenge myself and try and use as many as I could. I know it's a lot to take in, but I'm glad you liked it :)

Haha :P The Hagrid thing is really random, but then again, everything is :P If it managed to make you laugh, I'm happy! :) And the song, well thanks :D It is adapted from JKR's version though!

Haha :D That part was SO much fun to write! You'd imagine Rose to have walked in on something quite different, but voila! it's Rowena Ravenclaw :P

Well, thank you again :) I'm glad it's all sort of come together finally! And I'm happy that it ended up surprising you because it was meant to :P

It is strange, I agree. Which is why I introduced George into that bit :D I love George and his prankster ways :P I should edit it a little to make Ron and Hermione's reactions more pronounced, I guess.

Thank you :) I wasn't sure how well the open ending would fare. I'm happy that you feel that it works here!

You're right about those sentences. And I think I'll edit those two when I get around to it... Maybe a couple more sentences could do with some revamping :P

Oh gosh :/ I am so used to writing in first person, it might have just slipped out. How embarrassing! I have to change that.

I meant Quidditch Cup... Have I said House Cup? :/ I'll check and change it if need be.

Thank you for the pointers :) They were really helpful!

Thanks again, Lauren! :) It was lovely hearing from you!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 564
Submit Report: