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Review:Aphoride says:
Hey there - back again! :)

I like how you immediately start with the beginning of the year - it reminds me of the HBP, where it did a similar thing, you know? It also gives a sense of expectation for the year and that stuff is going to happen in this one.

Isabelle, so far, seems like a good character! She's obviously very loyal to her family and to the cause as she knows of it, and seems quite curious and perceptive, as well, which are all good traits. I'd be interested to see some of her bad qualities as well - here, she just has a bit of banter with Potter (James S. I'm assuming? though I'm not sure...) and Evander, and that's not really a bad trait, you know? Still, she seems good. I also like that she's in Ravenclaw and that people think 'she should have been in Slytherin'. It allows opportunities for you to develop her, which is great!

I just quickly want to mention, speaking of characters, that I love the Giles-Ethan thing in here, as well. All too often, OCs lurve their male best mate (or one of them) and this avoids that and also gives an interesting dynamic between them.

Another quick thing is that I've noticed you use capitals in sentences at times for words which shouldn't be capitalised - for example, 'Hello there Beautiful' should be 'Hello there, beautiful' instead. And you misspelled 'Lily' as 'Lilly' and 'Weasley' and 'Weasly'. All easily corrected! :)

All the boys so far are good characters, though I'd be interested to see if she has any other 'friends' or people she talks to, particularly any female friends. Even Harry talked to people other than Hermione and Ron, lol.

The only thing character-wise I did think was a bit odd was them all being on Quidditch teams. Given the school would have around 600+ students, it seems a little unlikely that all six of those characters would be on their teams - maybe take one or two of them off? It's just a bit much, tbh. That being said, I like the way Evander and Kane came to talk to them - most people forget that it's possible - and Ethan went to the Prefect's meeting. Nice touches ;)

I like that for once, the Potters and Weasleys are going to be the antagonists, and not necessarily in an annoying-but-romantic lead sense, you know? It's a nice change and gives your story an original kick.

The only other thing I would say is that you tend to tell, rather than show. Like with the flashback Isabelle tells us at the beginning - could you perhaps feeds this to us slowly rather than having the flashback? And perhaps Isabelle could comment on how it's unfair Giles and Ethan can't really have a proper relationship (if they wanted to) or something, rather than saying that it's not considered acceptable. It would help the flow of the piece, and make it more like her thoughts or a diary, you know?

Honestly, though, this is really good! The characters are good, stuff happened even without it being a hugely plot-filled chapter, it had good pace... and I'm pretty curious about where you go with this, harking back to the prologue!

Great start! :)

Aph xx

p.s. I forgot to mention up there, but I liked the subtle references to the Knights Isabelle makes - it's nice and is a good, subtle reminder! Also makes it clear it's something she's grown up with. Love it! :)

Author's Response: You are seriously amazing--thanks so much for your reviews so far :)

I feel like I've read a TON of fanficts so I definitely try to avoid as many cliches as I can.

Ugh, I think you're totally right about the Quidditch thing. If anything I'll cut Giles and/or Kane as their being on the team isn't significant to the plot. Thanks for pointing that out!

That's a good point about Isabelle but hopefully the later chapter will point out her weaknesses. I really spent a lot of time developing Isabelle so I'm glad you like her :)

I do have a beta and that will help a lot of the editing mistakes. As a writer, I do think I need to work on adding more description. It's always something I'm working on.

Thanks so much for this helpful review :)


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