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Review:MargaretLane says:
Not sure if there's much you can do with this, but I found the constant naming of "Niamh and Harrison" a bit repetitive after a while. It might sound better if you could replace one or two of them with "they." That is if that would leave it clear as to who you're talking about.

Actually all this talk about Elsie reminds me of a story my sister told me about her last year or two at school when they nicknamed a younger girl "creepy little English girl." I think she was lonely having just moved to a new country and was tagging along after an older girl who was nice to her or something.

*laughs at John saying messing with Quidditch was the worst thing they could do*

Hmm, I've a feeling there's something to this - the Snitch tailing Albus like that - but I don't see what it could possibly be. *ponders*

*laughs* I was just asked in an interview today about how I'd ensure student picked stuff that was actually possible for their history special topics and I was talking about how I'd encourage them to narrow it down if they picked too large a topic, so this is rather coincidental.

*laughs at Neville raising his hand too*

It makes sense to show them how to find stuff in the library though.

Don't think I've ever known a school have a specific librarian.

I am a bit suspicious of Miss Walsh. I know, I'm suspicious of everybody, but she's kind of overlooked since Burke is so dramatic and I suspect there could be something dodgy about her.

Author's Response: I thought it got repetitive, too, but when I put in 'they,' it got confusing as to whom I was talking about. If I had more time, I could tinker with it, but I like to put all my free time into writing new chapters.

Aw, she sounds like Elsie! Elsie is having a hard time adjusting to Hogwarts, especially given the fact that Felix is her brother. Her oddities are great for the plot, though!

There's nothing to the Snitch tailing Albus. Just a little bit of randomness in the Quidditch match.

I loved writing the scene in the library, since I'm a school librarian. Really, schools near you don't have librarians? Or am I just reading your comment wrong? Most schools here have librarians.

Burke is so dramatic he kind of overshadows the rest of the teachers, including Miss Walsh. I won't comment on whether you're right to be suspicious of her, though. Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)


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