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Review:MC_HK says:
Hello! Sorry for the long wait. I've been travelling and the internet has been somewhat elusive.

I think this is a good chapter. You definitely let your character's personality shine through a lot by adding in her thoughts and reasonings. You have a lot of humor and make your character very relatable.

I do see some errors though. Like these:

"ran it threw my hair" should be changed to "ran it THROUGH my hair".

"where we fighting" I think you meant "were we fighting"?

There are also issues with punctuation and tense that really stand out to me. I also find myself having a difficult time figuring out who is talking. I think that if every time you have a new person talking, you could break the paragraph when you have the next person talk, that would clear up a lot of confusion.

Overall this is a good chapter with a lot of potential, and I can't wait to find out what comes next.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review. I'm glad you like the chapter and the personality of Jasmine/Juliana.

My beta is currently editing this chapter so hopefully all those errors you found will be fixed soon and I really need to remember to separate dialogue.

Thanks again for the review :D


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