I'll start this review off by saying I haven't been so excited by a WIP in years so holy crap, you are off to an astounding start. I've been reading fic for a long time so I often feel like I've seen it all, so to speak, but you have surprised me so very much and I can't believe it because it hit me right out of the blue. The person who recommended this to me forewarned me that this was actually really legit evil, but legit evil in fanfic gets down to... murder, typically, which is a pretty blase crime to deal with, plot-wise, in fiction. This, though, is so intense and hardcore and straight-up inventively evil that I am exercising an AMAZING amount of self-restraint in keeping this review to a 12+ vocabulary. I cannot sing the praises of these first two chapters alone enough. Your characterizations and your plot and even the structure of the story -- I'm always kind of wary of old person narrates super complex story to naive next-generation person stories but you addressed my worries very deftly because it's not all linear retelling of Rose's life story -- is superbly well-handled. It's such a complex story and... idk, it's very hard to even gather my thoughts coherently or rationally because there's so much to think about. Oh, also, your writing is very, very good. So many times you see amazing plots floundering about with less than precise stylistic choices, so I was both very relieved and supremely excited to see that not only are you creative, you also have the technical writing skills to back up such a breathtaking, dizzying, terrifying story. Outside of some missing periods and other minor grammar things, it's impeccably done. I would go through all the things I loved but this paragraph is long enough, so:
Merlin's beard, your Albus freaks me out. I kind of have a thing for evil Albuses but I've never ever read an Albus who is literally evil. Well, not that he's evil (yet) necessarily, but he's definitely the scariest character I've read in fanfiction possibly ever. He gets under your skin, he doesn't even sound like a human, in some ways. Therefore I'm weirdly and worryingly attracted to him, though he makes me very uneasy. Rose I unabashedly love, though; the old lady grandmotherly Rose caught me off guard at the beginning, but Rose on trial, Rose in Vincent's house (I loved that his house-elves are German!), Rose with Scorpius and Albus... there isn't a side of her that I don't love of her as a character. She's an immediately appealing and yet immediately distancing main character: we root for her, we kind of love her, but she scares us a little, unsettles us for reasons we can't quite put our finger on. The rest of your characters, though not as fleshed out as these two, are similarly well-drawn; your Harry, Vincent, Scorpius, and even poor Hugo are all extremely intriguing people, and Vincent himself is compelling beyond belief. I do not trust him at all, but he's compelling as any other person here.
There isn't a piece of this story that is out of place. You've clearly put a lot of work into the planning and are putting a lot of work into its execution, and I love seeing that effort and meticulousness and gosh, I feel like you're muahaha-ing at your audience because clearly we're unprepared for where this is going to go. I for one cannot wait to see.
Author's Response: Wow. I love this review, and I love that you love my story. This review totally made my day (and of course it took me forever to figure out how to reply).
MUAHAHAHA yes I have very surprising plans to take this story down a dark road and hopefully NO ONE sees the end coming. I hope.
This story took a long time to formulate and I'm glad to finally have it on paper, err, computer screen. Initially it was two different tales, one about Rose and another about Albus, but then I wanted my characters in the same realm so this happened haha. I was definitely going for sinister and malicious with Albus, away from the 'bad-boy with a heart of gold trope', but I wouldn't go as far as to say he's EVIL evil, just because...idk. There are more layers to his personality than are evident right now. I find characters that are in the grey more interesting than, say, pure dark Voldemorts. So Albus isn't immoral as much as he is amoral (at the moment). And don't worry, your attraction is only natural haha. Many characters in-story feel the same way about him.
And Rose, well, she's a different kind of crazy. Hopefully a little more understandable though, with her brother and all. I like your analysis of her. Agreed, there's just something you can't put your finger on...
Thank you so much for the fantastic review and I'll do my best not to disappoint. I hope you review again!