Hello! I'm here with the requested review from the forums!
I think you have a really interesting start to your story, and if anything the author's note at the beginning intrigued me even more. I really like the idea of how you're tying in new ideas to the canon story, and of a certain family having special powers and how this will tie in with the form magic takes in HP. I also saw in your request that the story will be a Fred/OC, and that made me even more curious of how this character will fit into the HP world and interact with the canon characters, especially Fred since they seem so different and from such different worlds.
As for the OC herself, I think she's definitely someone I'd be interested in reading more about! I can't tell much yet, but so far she seems like a very resilient and unique character. I liked little details which gave hints about her past and personality, and you did a good job of showing not telling, like when she was concerned about the cat's well-being. Also, I loved how when the woman pulled out a wand, the girl was surprised but knew what it was: this moment did a good job of showing, not telling, that the girl is a witch.
I think your writing style and description is very beautiful while being easy to read and connect with. I thought you emulated JKR's style very smoothly, what with beginning the chapter with description and setting the scene and the gloomy and desperate mood for the chapter. I enjoyed the gritty descriptions, like the girl's bare feet splashing through the dirty water, and really got a sense of everything being dark, depressing and hopeless in this city she inhabits. There were a lot of great little details, like the woman's odd clothing representing the typical witches and wizards who have no idea how to blend in and look normal around Muggles. Also, one of my favourite lines would have to be the last one, and how it ties in the woman with the cat so strongly. It was a great way to end the chapter, and left me wondering who this Animagus witch is, whether she is McGonagall or not, and what she's been visiting this girl on the streets for.
I think this is such an amazing, strong start to what feels like a very well thought out and detailed story, and I can't wait to read more! You've raised so many questions about the girl and the place she inhabits in the HP world, and I can't wait to see where you take this, so feel free to re-request! :)
Author's Response: Wow! What a wonderful review! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! And I'm sorry I'm a little late responding to this. I've been having a hectic week.
The author's note was intriguing? Cool! I was worried it was long and off putting, so it's very nice to hear people are appreciating the information I put there. I'm still playing with the way I want to have these powers pass through the family, so I hope I can live up to expectations on that part, but it is fun to imagine and try things.
My character is quite different from Fred. I really, really hope I can pull off them ending up together. You're right in that it's going to be tricky.
The smile on my face at the fact you like my OC so far is really quite huge. Just thought I should tell you that. I've been writing on this fic for eight years, but never dared post it until now, so while I know she's just an OC, I'm kind of attached to her. More than I should be. Must allow room in my heart for the people who have good critism of her that can help improve my story. LOL.
And yes, you are right, she is a witch. And she knows it. This isn't a case of someone just finding out they are magical. Good eyes.
Awww, thank you! I do try to work on my writing and description. Description is something I have fun with, but I have to be careful not to go overboard with it. But I was trying really hard to set a dark and as you said gritty beginning to this. Glad it worked!
As for the cat: you made a good guess. Hopefully I can rerequest soon so you can find out!
Thank you so much for an amazing review! I am also so happy when readers seem to show as much excitement for my story as I have. As an author, I'm sure you know how that feels.