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Review:UnluckyStar57 says:
Aw, sad. A break up story! I'm very glad that you submitted this to my challenge, though, because it adds some sad variety to the ones that have been entered so far. :)

It was very clever how, instead of using the quote in the story, you let it sort of weave in and out as an idea. Lily wants to save herself, and she thinks that she doesn't need someone else to save her. It works so well!! :)

The emotions throughout the story were very real and potent. I find myself wondering why Lily suddenly changed her mind about the kiss, but I realize that she could probably feel herself giving in, wanting him back, and she was trying to fight that impulse. So sad!

The beginning of the story was very good, but I really wish that we could've seen the scene that caused the fight between James and Lily. It would provide some more background to the story, and it could be done by "showing, not telling," which is always cool. However, even without that scene, this story is marvelously written. The fight scene isn't really necessary in this case because you've decided to focus solely on the aftermath of it, but it's so well-written that I'd just really like to see what happened before!

Fantastic job! Be on the lookout for the challenge results blog post on September 8th! :)

May your pen never run out of ink!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it! I was a bit worried about the time constraints, as I procrastinated a bit. I guess I could add that in, and I will edit this after my novel is all finished and I have time to edit everything. Thanks for that idea, though.

I'm glad you liked what I have and think that my writing is so good. Thank you so much for this wonderful review and your awesome challenge!

blackballet


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