Aaaand I'm here from the Gatsby Quote Challenge for the third chapter!
Ooh I like how you're already beginning to show the cracks in their relationship... how everything's maybe not-so-perfect... The part where Lily was wishing to be in Ravenclaw rather than Slytherin was particularly telling, I thought, and a good addition to the general Lily/Snape storyline.
You did a great job of bringing across Snape's jealousy of James... I liked all the water imagery you used in those opening paragraphs concerning him: "a sense of security washed over him", "a surge of pleasure every time she insulted him."
His emotions- that kind of competitive envy- were so real that I empathised with him a lot. You were great at conjuring up those complex, quite dark thoughts.
Ahhh why couldn't he have just asked her to Hogsmeade?!?! He so nearly managed it! You're really managing to highlight with this how close Sev and Lily were, and how things might easily have been different... all through this chapter I was willing Snape to make different decisions. I can totally see why he resents James!
I found Snape's conversations with Avery quite revealing, about Snape's internal conflict between Lily and his friends... You do a great a job of hinting at the build-up to war going on in these times. I reminds the reader of all the difficult matters that these teenagers are going through!
Something that I wasn't sure quite worked was the Dark Magic shop- would people really allow one to be set up, in Hogsmeade? But I suppose it does work with your plot...
Wanting to impress Lily seems like a logical motivation for Snape getting into the Dark Arts- especially as it also highlights that really he doesn't understand her at all. All the same, I can't think that that's going to end well, but I look forward to seeing what's going to happen with all this next!
Another very enjoyable chapter!
Author's Response: Aaaand, yay for coming back :)
I was hoping that that part would be in character. It seemed so to me, while writing it. but I obviously wanted others' view. It is quite revealing. I'm glad you liked it and saw the development :)
Haha :) I LOVE water imagery too. It's so... I don't quite know how to out it, but let's just say that when these things happen to you in RL, you can actually feel it. Physically happening to you. I guess. Thank you :)
Wow. Really? I love dark! Wasn't sure how I'd fare at it. THANK YOU so much :)
You're right. He was JUST there. The thing is, one small difference in their storylines could have changed SO much between them. things could have been so different. I'm sorry I didn't make him ask her... yet (?). read on, I'll give in more about them :)
I can see why too! James is so open and confident, and Snape is constantly second guessing himself.
There's no two ways about it, there was a war going on then. And as much as this is a Snape/Lily/James story. I do plan on keeping the backdrop Canon oriented too. I'm glad you liked that part. i found that it was a good way of getting to know the other sides to Snape's story, rather than showing every memory as conversation with just him and Lily.
I think that during the times when voldemort really was at his peak, when he was feared by every body, everything he wanted was put in place. I think I'll change the location of the shop though, because you do have a point. Another thing, is that at that time dark arts was respected, feared and revered by many.
I don't think he truly understood some aspects of her personality, but there were other things he really understood well. The thing is, maybe it was some sort of a bad boy image, or an idea to look cool. But mostly, it was his environment and the false sense of glory hiding behind the promise of being Voldemort's supporter.
Thank you so much, Bethany :) I will update as soon as I can.