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Review:Calypso says:
Hello! I'm back, reviewing for the Gatsby Quote Challenge.

Ohh it's so sad to see Snape and Lily all young and innocent! I thought that you showed the roots of their relationship really well here- including Snape's slightly malicious streak... It seems really true to what we see of them in the books.
There's this lovely atmospheric, nostalgic feel to this chapter- it almost feels like Snape is already looking back on their time together, if that makes sense! Their conversations and the images you use around them have a sort of timeless feel that I like.

Something that did strike me while reading this, is that for a diary-type piece of writing, we get very little of Snape's internal monologue. Seeing as Harry is reading with the intention of finding out more about Snape, I would have loved to have had more about how Snape felt about these events, and the bits that we did see I really enjoyed! It's always great to see things from a different character's point of view...!

There were also a couple of places where I felt that your vocabulary choice could have been better- some of your sentences didn't quite sound right: "hence they did not want it to be taken down" and "he would not refute it" were two that I noticed in particular.

You're setting up a lot of good stuff here! I liked the little moment on the platform with James. It seemed very in character for Lily to be so friendly and open and conscientious, so well done for that!

And ohmygoodness that kiss was the sweetest thing! I think you wrote it just right- it was very understated and honest, and it didn't seem to unrealistic. You managed to stay true to the fact that these kids are only twelve, and that Lily is going to be shy about doing something like that, even with someone she's known for years...

Great chapter! It was really interesting to see some of Lily and Snape's early relationship, and I look forward to seeing how these things that you've set up here will play out later!

-Bethany

Author's Response: Good to see you back, Bethany! :)

I'm glad you liked how I've written the younger versions of Snape and Lily. I kept trying to make sure that they were in character, because I am this canon loving freak :P Timeless? Wow. That is the one of the best things you could have said about that. It made me feel SO good :)

I did write this with the intention to shed more light on their time together. On their experiences. From Snape's angle, but not in first person. I get your point though, and I have been toying with the idea of writing a companion piece to this, with the diary entrees. I'll let you know about any developments on that front!
I'm glad you enjoyed what's there though :)

I'll look into that, and see if I can write it any differently to enhance the flow. But i;m not entirely sure, sorry :(

Haha :) Yes. I don't think she's have hated him from the moment she set eyes on him. It would have to build up gradually.

Haha :P I understand the whole gushi-ness :P I think the only reason she would have done something like that is because she'd known him forever and she's comfortable around him. And of course, she really likes him at this point. Other wise, like any other 1 year old, she probably would never have considered it! I'm happy that it's come off well :)

Thank you so much :) I loved your review and I will look forward to reading the third one. I shall be updating soon! Promise!


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