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Review:patronus_charm says:
Hello there, I'm here with your requested review!

I thought the setting you provided for this one-shot was really excellent! I got such great visual imagery here that really added to the mood of the story. I liked how you mentioned Luna a little after too because it seemed as if she was more part of the forest than a visitor to it. That made sense in my head, but sounded a little weird so I hope you get what I mean!

This might sound strange, but I also really liked how you included spells in this one-shot. I always find it strange how so many people fail to include them into their stories so yay for them being here!

I really loved Ned! I think it was the way Luna just bumped into him and his 'Ravenclaw's robes!' that just had me laughing way too much!

One thing I did notice throughout the one-shot was several grammar errors in regards to your dialogue. Like here for example, '“Ravenclaw’s robes!” he gasped, “I’m sorry! Let me help you up,” he put his wand,' as the he put his wand isn't linked to the dialogue there needs to be a comma after up. Only dialogue tags e.g. said, cried e.t.c. require a comma otherwise it's a full stop. :)

In regards to the lyrics, I thought they fitted in really well. The lines you had chosen fitted with the scene perfectly and it provided a new perspective to look at it from. The only thing I could which needed improving is that I wished more lines were included at the beginning because we had to wait ages for them, but I can see why there weren't any if Luna hadn't met him yet.

The ending was really great! ♥ I thought it was really sweet how she ended up marrying. I imagine that the Crumple-Horned Snorkack probably had a lot to do with her saying yet to him. On another side note as I haven't yet managed it, I thought Luna's characterisation was really great! I often don't like reading her because many writers struggle with her but you managed really well!

A lovely read!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! Thanks so much for responding to my request, sorry it's taken a couple days to get round to replying.

I'm pretty pleased with the description in this, I've had some feedback on other stories that its something I could work on so I focused on it a lot for this. And that did make sense surprisingly haha!

I often find myself thinking the same thing about spells, considering they're such a key part of the original stories they don't seem to make such a great appearance in fanfiction, it's odd!

Thanks for the grammar tip, I really should get myself a beta but when I finish my stories I get too excited to post them haha!

I did wonder the same thing about the lyrics but couldn't figure a way of getting them in earlier without introducing Ned earlier :/

Luna is one of my favourite characters of the series so I definitely had my doubts about writing her in case I didn't do her justice so I'm thrilled that you thought I did, it's the highest compliment I could get! I'm pleased you liked Ned too, I think his chasing of the Crumple Horned Snorkack definitely contributed to her saying yes haha!

Thanks so much for this lovely and helpful review, I'm glad I requested :D


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