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Review:patronus_charm says:
Hello there, I'm here with your requested review!

I thought the first section was really good! It was such a dramatic start to the story and kept the intrigue about it going. First of all, I was curious as to who the narrator was then, and then why Rose was there and then the whole war and muggles taking over issue.

I thought the idea of the war was really clever. I always wondered whether that could ever happen, yet I never came across one until now. I can imagine that will be really good plot. I'm curious to see how you approach revealing the history of it too.

One thing I would suggest is that whenever you changed narrator in this chapter it always really confused me. One suggestion for this is to include a * or a line break in between so I'm aware that there's going to be a change. Another idea, is to also include the place and date because with the time changes in there too, it did make it a little too confusing for me. I think if you just included that and established who they were it will be great!

Other than those improvements, I really liked the changes in narration as I have feeling that all of these story lines are going to come together and make one big thing. It's also a lot more interesting reading from more than one perspective too.

I noticed one small error here. 'She licked her dry lips nervously, “And what would those be, your Honor?”. It should be a period after nervously as that's not attached the speech and needs to be seen that it's separate.

One minor thing about the court scene with Rose, I would perhaps limit the chunks of description there and intersperse it with the dialogue more because it will make the flow better and raise the suspense of what's going to happen. I'm curious about why Kingsley's there as I would have assumed he would be fighting for the good. Hmm, this plot is very intriguing!

The way you tied in Rose's love for her brother was great with it matching up to the summary. I really want to meet Albus now though because he sounds so different to how he usually does and I think the best stories are when writers take risks with the characterisation.

I wonder why the head's German though. It's making me wonder whether he's related to Grindelwald or something. That small dash of German really gave the story a unique feel and made it more authentic and I hope to see more of it in the future!

Well, I thought that was a really great start to such a unique story. I hope you find this review of some use to you!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Haha I agree it's time for me to start using page breaks. Next chapter I swear! The chunks of description, however, is kind of a stylistic choice than anything (I like to keep my dialogue unlittered--least for this chapter). But thank you for your advice and review! I'm glad you like the story so far and that's it's piqued your interest. I really appreciate the review. Thank you so much!

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