Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:BLONDEbehaviour says:
Hello! BLONDEbehaviour here with you requested review!

Awesome start! You have definitely got me hooked into this one! I love that it is from Ellie's P.O.V, its a real good way to get to know the OC and other OC's around her :) I love love love the bond between her and her brother. You can tell that the love they have for each other is immense and powerful. I'm sure it'll come into play at some point later on :)

I think you definitely did well in improving the backstory and description, its fantastic! I had a great visual in my head the entire time, especially in the music room, that was very well detailed!

Characterization is good! A bonus doing next gen is you can develop the characters in your own way, and i think you've done well in that respect! Having Ellie and Albus not liking each other will surely create some good plot twists later on, i'm excited to see those!

I do have a few grammar spots- "he twined his fingers with mine" is that supposed to be intertwined?
Also, these sentances "And yes, that would be the famous ones.
And yes, Albus was my brother's best friend.
And yes, we didn't like each other."
Just in my opinion, but maybe taking out the last and yes, may make it more effective, because its just feels a bit repetitive. But that's just my opinion! Don't feel entitled to take it :)

Apart from that, a great start to a story! Will be interesting to see what happens in regards to her seeing ghosts, feel free to re-request !!

Please respond to this review, thanks :)

Blondie

Author's Response: :D I'm glad you enjoyed it! I love writing in first person, because you're right - it's a great way to get to know your characters. And yes - more on the twins later on!

I'm glad that the description and backstory was improved and really helped to paint the scene.

I agree that next gen gives you a lot of room to maneouver, which is always nice.

I'll have a look at the grammar issues you've pointed out. I'm a bit of a grammar nut, so I'll definitely be looking into it!

Thanks for the wonderful review!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 906
Submit Report: