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Review:marauderfan says:
Hello! marauderfan here with your requested review.

What a shock for Juliana/Jasmine! It was funny that she thought it was a joke because she'd told her friend she was the daughter of wolves. It's weird to imagine Mrs Figg being Jasmine's fake mum, I don't know how Sirius and Mrs Figg put up with each other for that long, lol. That's quite the acting job they did.

Jasmine seems like an average teenager, with her priorities being her friends, and getting away from her "old" parents and their friend. She swears a lot too - but I guess I would do the same if I'd just been told that my whole life was a lie!

Dumbledore seemed a little out of character, but as every fanfic writer knows it's impossible to write Dumbledore. I think if you just took out the part where he smirks, he'd seem a lot more in character. (I can't recall Dumbledore ever smirking in the books.)

In some places it's kind of unclear who's talking because the speaking lines are stuck together for different speakers. Like here: "Julie! Language!" My mother shouted sternly. "It's fine Arabella. It is a lot to take in and she has a right to be upset."
This sounds like it's all the same person speaking, when really the first line is Mrs Figg and the second line is Dumbledore. So maybe a separation between speakers would help! :)

Hope that helps! Good work on this chapter :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Can't you just imagine Sirius and Arabella having to sleep in the same room to keep up the pretense of being a happy married couple?

I think the swearing is just my personality coming out because I swear like a sailor and for some reason I always have my Oc's swearing like a sailor also...I have to work on that but I'm glad that you thought she was like an average teenager.

Writing Dumbledore is so hard because there are so many opinions on his personality and I tried so hard to keep him canon but only the great JK Rowling can write Dumbledore perfectly. Dumbledore isn't actually smirking he's just doing that smile that drove Harry crazy at the end of OTP and Jasmine in her anger thinks he's smirking at her...I will definitely go back and try to word it that way or take it out entirely.

I have a problem of not separating the dialogue and it gets all mushed together but I just got myself a beta so hopefully she can drill that into my head.

Thanks again for the review!


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