Yes!!! So glad the Luke thing is over!
(oh, and thankyou! was so nice to have a thankyou in the A/N. I almost reviewed without reading any further. Which would have been a little useless... lol. But seriously, thankyou!)
Im enjoying the Regulus/Sirius drama, I think you did that well (what can I say, I like a little conflict) but I actually thought there would be more to Vanessa. She was shaping up to be such a good bad guy. Still, there's always hope right?
Thought your piece on the Mauraders Map insulting/complimenting Mel was sooo funny, I laughed out loud!
I also like the way being sprayed in the face with water is something Mel finds funny (which I would become quite irritated at) and that she herself is becoming comfortable with bickering - which she didn't get with Luke. IT says a lot about her character, and it is a very consistent character. Which you nailed when you had her explaining that she hadn't been herself around Luke. She hadn't been. And it wasn't obvious, it was subtle, which made it all the more realistic.
I wasn't a fan of the paragraph that started "As it turned out Sirius and I did end up meeting for more detentions..."
I wish I had a better education. At first I thought I was uncomfortable because it feels like a passive reflection, rather than being written in active voice (if Im not making sense google it because I dont understand it well enough to clarify it!) but then I re read it and I thought it may just be the tense change (from we did to we ended up doing?) Maybe its a little of both.
Regardless, that paragraph would be more engaging if it started with something along the lines of
"That was not the only time we met for detention. Not even a week later, Luke and I..." or something.
Im sorry, I really haven't learnt all this stuff properly enough myself to be critical in anyway shape or form, but I'm trying to learn by analysing your stuff (as well as practicing my own!) Hope that's ok :)
Needless to say, the dialogue between the characters is my favourite bit, you always do it so well, and the witty banter is just a heap of fun, it just moves so naturally and fluidly.
And, as always, the odd happenings throughout the castle that you just drop in to create such an exciting world - "Oh yeah we turned someone's head into a watermelon-" they are so creative, I love it!
Cant wait to read the next chapter!
Author's Response: You're so welcome for that. You've been such a consistent and kind reviewer and I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate it! ♥
Haha, I figured you'd like that part with Luke :P And don't worry, you haven't seen the last of Vanessa.
I tried to include Regulus in the story as much as I could - although Mel doesn't really associate with him, they are in the same house after all.
I love the Marauder's Map, I just think it's so cool. So it shows up as much as possible :p
Melanie didn't mind the water spraying because it gave her an opportunity for a friendly fight with Sirius, something she rather likes to do after 6 years of rivalry lol. I'm really glad you thought her character is consistent! :)
Yeah, I guess that is sort of an oddly structured sentence. It was meant to be an afterthought, kind of like a contradiction to the previous paragraphs where she'd been hoping there would not be any more detentions. (I'm really bad with the technical terms for the tense as well, I guess it'd be past-perfect? Or something.) And yes feel free to analyse away if it helps you become a better writer in the process too :)
Thanks once again for your review!