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Review:BLONDEbehaviour says:
Hello!
BLONDEbehaviour here with your requested review!

This first chapter is really good! I think you introduced it well, and jumping in there like you did works, well done!

I don't think that the first line, the one between Hermione saying 'oppugno' and then her fighting with herself over Ron is needed, as i think the flow for that would work without it :)

I really like how you set up the 'Granger' conversation from both Hermione and Draco's perspective, it really worked to get a firm idea of what they are both thinking when they are conversing/fighting with each other.

Maybe with the sentence, "She's Granger, not Hermione', maybe put Mudblood instead of Granger? I think it would just help to accentuate Draco's 'disgust' when it comes to Hermione, but that's just an idea :)

In regards to their conversation, i think it is very much accurate for their characters, even for Hermione who is a little vulnerable at this stage, but you write it well enough to incorporate her usual fire :) I will be interested to see where it goes now that she seems to have put him in his place for once!

Grammar is good, only two things that stuck out to me is that potions and blood-traitor don't need to be capitalized i don't think, but apart from that it is really good!

All is all a great start to the story! I believe you started it well, and the flow wasn't rushed, but just well enough for you to show their first encounter and understand where the characters stand with one another. Great start ! Will wait for a re-review :)

Please respond to this review :)

Blondie

Author's Response: Oh hello, thank you for this! :D

Aha yes, this was the first fic I ever wrote, and just couldn't wait to jump into the plot! I'm so glad you didn't find it rushed.

That first line... Hm. It's a thought, I could remove it though. I just had it there to tell the reader that this is set during the HBP. I'll see what I can do with it ;)

Thank you for your idea! I'll be sure to try it, and see what works better.

Oh, characterization! Yay! You found it very in character and that boosts my confidence tons :D

I'm never really sure when to capitalize and when not to, so I just do, just in case. If that's a bit off putting then I'll change it.

I'll be sure to re-request if I have the chance/time to!

Thanks again Blondie!


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