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Review:Debra20 says:
Hey there! I'm here with your requested review :)

First of all, since this is the concern you've expressed interest in, I'd like to start with characterisation. To answer the question you've left me on my thread, YES, I would totally want to keep reading about her. Even in this short prologue, there is much to say about this girl. I'd really like to commend you on being able to create such a captivating, believable start for an OC.

I think the right introduction of an Original Character is one of the most important steps to draw in the interest of the readers. And you've definitely achieved this. From the get go we discover that this little girl (I have the impression that she is a little girl, so I will continue calling her that :P) is having a very difficult time, which instantly warms us up to her. Throughout the chapter I felt like hugging her and offering her something to cover herself with. I don't know how you plan on developing her, but she is definitely a character I'd love to read more about, especially considering how the chapter ended. In fact, I am so curious to read what happens next that if you don't re-request, I'm going to keep reading by myself haha

I also think that description is a definite forte of yours. The imagery was incredibly well handled. I could picture every single moment in my mind, which is yet another important aspect of the story. I've always thought that if one can't fully immerse in the story, there is no possible way that attachment to said story can occur. And this is done through the power of description, which you seem to be very good at.

I can't say much about the plot yet because we don't see much happening in this prologue, except the ending. I will venture and offer a wild guess here that the cat the girl had been looking over for the past few days is McGonagall, although I couldn't tell you why I have this sensation. I think the cliffhanger with which you ended this chapter is a very appropriate choice to ensure that readers come back. I mean, come on! Who doesn't wanna know what happens next with the girl? What did the witch do to her? Cause I wanna know haha

As far as spelling mistakes, grammar and stuff like this, I didn't see any glaring mistake or misspelling. Although, I will refrain from offering any advice on this side (unless there are some obvious mistake) because I am not a native English speaker and I might be wrong about it.

All in all, I am very pleased with the story you've offered me. It's catchy, the character seems likeable enough on the first impression and there is a definite feeling of something more happening that we don't see yet. Lovely job!

P.S: I hope this review was somewhat helpful. It's the first in my attempts to be more critique oriented, but I just can't be critique if the story is so good!

Author's Response: Beans are picked. I can now reply properly, :) Sorry about the wait!

You totally made me blush with this review (while a part of me on the inside was screaming "yes, yes, yes!") I am so excited that you are interested and intrigued by my character.

I agree with you 100% about having to introduce a character carefully. That's why I was so worried about this. In the first dozen drafts of this story, this prologue did not exist. I felt like something was missing, and finally figured out I was bring my character in with too much information upfront. Hopefully, the aura of mystery helped with that.

Little girl might be stretching it a bit, but she is young, and small, so she seems younger than she is. And it makes me want to hug YOU for saying such nice things about her, and for wanting to keep reading even if I didn't re-request.

I do try to work hard on my descriptions. Sometimes, like with this chapter, it seems to come easily. But other times I feel like my stories get bogged down in too much telling what's happening, who's saying what, where people are, etc... I lose the description, so if you ever see that happening, please feel free to tell me.

I know I don't give much plot for people to sink into in this, so thank you for the comments you were able to pull out anyway. As for the cat, you're on the right track...

I do try to edit the best I can, but even with English as my native language, I'm horrible at spelling, and stupid errors still creep in. So, if you see them, again, feel free to tell me. But, it makes me happy you seems to think it was clear of mistakes.

This review was wonderful! I'm so excited to have you along as a reader, if you want to continue. You really gave me a great big smile for the last few days.

Your critique was very helpful. Thanks so much for taking the time to do this!



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