Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:UnluckyStar57 says:
Here's your requested review from me! :)

I thought this was a particularly strong chapter, especially in the way of characterization and establishing a tone. I really enjoyed how you entwined Wizarding history with early South American culture--the "wizards-masquerading-as-gods" part was very clever and quite well-written!!

In this chapter, we learn a lot about Bill's characterization, mostly through Harry's perception of him. He seems a bit manic, yes, and that might very well be a coping mechanism--not just a recurring element, as Harry originally thinks. Harry also gets a bit of characterization, which is excellent--he obviously dwells very much on the past, which is likely a side effect of the survivor's guilt that he feels. However, I could do with a bit less about Dumbledore--in Harry's thoughts, I noticed that he keeps thinking about Dumbledore, and how Dumbledore was such a great wizard. Some of that information is relevant to the story, and some of it is not. I would suggest editing a few of the sentences about Dumbledore, simply because they are a bit redundant.

Other than that, I would suggest that you go back and edit grammar and punctuation. You had a few missed punctuation marks, as well as some choppy sentences. Just give the chapter a look-over--it's mostly just small slip-ups, really!

This was a wonderfully-written chapter! I really enjoyed it!

May your pen never run out of ink!


Author's Response: Ha Thankyou!

I'm glad you feel the Dumbledore element is redundant. It's that .. vague feeling of unease I get when something isn't quite right and I have no idea what. so I appreciate that. I think I will re read the entire chapter from the how much reflection is Harry doing and is it all necessary perspective when I go and edit grammar and punctuation. I think my beta must have taken over in the next chapter, so sorry bout those typos with the punctuation- I skim over them.

The grammar I will have to look into a little closer. I really appreciate your reviews, I love having something constructive that I can do to improve the writing style.

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 934
Submit Report: