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Review:marauderfan says:
Hello! Here with your requested review!

Before I get into the main part of the review, I wanted to say that I really like how you mentioned Peter's mum is a neat-freak. It's just the tiniest sentence but it's really nice to have a bit of characterisation for such an unimportant character. She may not ever show up again in the story but I love that you've given just a little insight into Peter's home life.

Truth or dare was a nice addition to the chapter too. A very typical teenager game and I thought it fit in well - James clearly was hoping for luck to be on his side with the questions he wrote, haha! I did wonder about the Veritaserum though. If Dorcas was only just then bringing Firewhisky into the room, how did the Marauders manage to already spike it with Veritaserum?

Overall I think the flow of the chapter was good, although the abrupt hop between POV's was unexpected. (I didn't notice the part that said "Sirius's POV" in the beginning and I was a little confused at first, but then I re-read and that cleared it up, lol). Also, there are some places were it's kind of hard to tell who's talking, such as the part when someone says this: But Dorcas, oh Dorcas, wherever would you four be without my guidance?
but I can't tell who is speaking. I think it's one of the Marauders but then who are the four he's talking about? So maybe adding a dialogue tag here would help :P

Characterisation is good. I think I'm getting to know Dorcas better as a character and can understand how she thinks now - your character description has come a long way since your first few chapters. Like I think I know her well enough now to predict that she's not going to tell anyone about her biggest secret, even though she was dared to.

As for other little things that didn't quite make sense to me -- I was curious why Dumbledore had to come and read the will. I'd think it would be handled by someone in the family? I mean, Dumbledore read Sirius's will to Harry because Harry had no other family, but there are many Blacks and I think one of them would have got the will rather than Dumbledore.

I also wondered why Alphard mentioned Dorcas in his will. It's not surprising that he knows her, since you've said Dorcas has prior acquaintance with the family, but I'd like to see a little more into that, maybe in the form of a flashback or something - how Dorcas knows Alphard that well.

Lastly, when Nick was first mentioned in this chapter I had a brief moment of "wait, who is he again?" I think the last time he made an appearance was chapter 2 or something. Given how close he and Dorcas used to be, I'd have thought that she would think about him just a little since their last interaction. But I guess she's had other things to worry about - so it could be just my incredibly forgetful brain at fault here!

Anyway, well done on this chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you for the part about Peter! I really like playing with his character, so I'm glad you saw that.

I really wanted to write a truth or dare chapter because I've always thought they were so much fun if not a bit childish. And I didn't actually make them spike the drink. it was in the air. I am very liberal with my potions apparently!

Sorry about that, but I switch POV's a lot. I should really keep it to one chapter, but I always feel like the chapter is missing something without another person's point of view.

I made Dumbledore come with Sirius because I doubt that Sirius would ever go back to his old house again without Dumbledore. I don't think Sirius would go willingly to face his whole family alone. Sorry if that didn't make sense. Maybe I'll add Sirius saying something like, "If it wasn't for Dumbledore, I wouldn't be here."

And I love my little literary devices, yes I do. You will see why I put Dorcas in the will later, as well as why her and Alphard are so connected.

I kind of did that on purpose, but it might be a bit too long of a stretch. I just don't see him seeing her everyday after she completely dismissed him on the train.

Thank you for your once again lovely review!


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