Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:academica says:
Hello, here with your requested review! Just a note--in future, please don't forget to put the story rating right beside your link in review threads. The moderators may have to give you a warning if they catch you posting story links without ratings.

Anyway, on with the review!

I think you did a nice job with characterization here. First off, kudos for going with a portrayal of Walburga that reaches beyond "heartless shrew." I can see that you tried to cover bases here by thinking critically about Walburga's motivation and where her reactions to Sirius came from. For example, when I was reading this, I wondered at first why she wouldn't just do the right thing and tell him how she felt if she cared for him so much. But it's right there--they don't show weakness or vulnerability, and it would take extreme openness to be able to admit something like that to Sirius. I hate to say it, but I can't help but feel like there's still something missing. It's like you get at the surface of Walburga's new portrayal, but I can't quite buy what she's saying or understand her completely. I don't know if this is something other reviewers have sensed in the past, but if it is, you might consider re-reading this and seeing if there are other questions you can wrap up or ways to make this feel more tangible. For example, I liked the anecdote about when Sirius turned his room Gryffindor red, and more of those little details would probably fill this out. That's just one idea.

As for Sirius himself, I'm impressed by how well he was captured even through the biased lens of his mother. It says to me that she really was paying attention even as she seemingly turned a blind eye toward him and his unacceptable behavior. I liked the comment about how he had the Black family traits whether he liked it or not, and I especially loved the line about both he and Regulus having their own respective spaces in Walburga's heart.

Flow seemed pretty good. You have a nice style and I felt like this piece was imbued with an air of formality without being weighed down by language that was too heavy or seemed out of character. The pace felt appropriate to the subject matter. Also, I didn't notice any problems with spelling, grammar or punctuation, which is always a relief.

I'm kind of wondering if this review is actually helpful, but I hope so :) Nice work either way!


Author's Response: Hello, thanks so much for taking the time to leave such a thorough review!
I'll make sure I put the story rating next to the link in future.
I agree completely with your point about there being something missing, I can't help but feel that it's more of a superficial glance at her rather than a proper character study. Will have a think and try to make it meatier!
Don't worry - this review was very helpful.
Thanks again!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 693
Submit Report: