Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Elphaba and Boyfriends says:
Hi, Elphaba here woth your requested review! Sorry for being a bit slow.

I enjoyed this chapter, and love Ellie's dry humor. You squeeze in a lot of surprising, laugh-inducing lines like: "I wasn't sure how I felt about my eyes being called an alcoholic beverage. I didn't want to promote alcoholism." :)

The one complaint I have is the transition from the train platform to the great hall is very jarring:
"As Amy, Ben and I made our way over to the train, I saw James snigger.

'Do the first years look smaller than usual this year?' Ben asked.

I glanced further down the table..."

In addition to the line break, you should add a line with a symbol of some sort, like:
***
Or:
oOoOo
This would eliminate the jarring effect.

Based on Regulus's earlier warning and this hint from the Sorting Hat's song: "Well, didn't you think that bit about 'ancient land' and 'old spirits' was a little odd?" I'm guessing that Ellie's ability to talk to spirits is going to come in especially handy very soon.

The rapid fire dialog between Ellie and Ben is good, and I really like that - despite impending doom - you write with a light, humorous tone. I'm looking forward to the quips Ellie will utter in response to whatever dangers await her. :)

Author's Response: I'm even more sorry for writing this response so late!

I'm glad that it's humorous without being too in your face. I want people to read this, and feel as if what they've read is amusing, without it being like a slapstick comedy.

I thought the transitions were a little rough. I like your idea about the line breaks, however. Thanks for that!

Thanks for the wonderful review!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 243
Submit Report: