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Review:MargaretLane says:
I like the beginning of this story. While the first sentence is very simple, it really works.

*laughs at the implication James was suggesting he might be a Squib before he got his letter* Albus really should stop believing him, but it makes sense he'd let it bother him, as starting a new school, and a boarding school at that, is bound to make him nervous and James insinuations would probably make things worse.

One thing I've noticed here is that you're putting a capital letter on words like "said" when they are part of the same sentence as the speech. You're also leaving out the commas at the end of the speech.

Instead of '"Albus wake up" Came a voice. Lily his younger sister was tugging his hand, "You have a letter"', it should be:
'"Albus, wake up," came a voice. Lily, his younger sister, was tugging his hand. "You have a letter."'

Another fairly minor thing, and probably more a matter of opinion, but you don't really need to tell us Lily is his younger sister or that his father defeated Lord Voldemort. Most people reading will already know those things and it might flow better without them.

LOVE James' comment about how Albus can come to him if he's any problems but otherwise not to be following him around. It's exactly the attitude I'd imagine James having. I always feel he does care about his younger brother, but is too busy trying to be "cool" to admit it.

Even the word choice, like his use of the word "mate" give us an insight into the type of person he is. Very effective use of dialogue.

Also love the argument he has with his mother about cleaning the kitchen. Sounds like he feels hard done by because he's the eldest.

Chapter one seems to end a bit abruptly. One minute Albus is really pleased and then the next he's worried about ending up in Slytherin and then it moves on to chapter 2. I'd like to see a bit more about how he's feeling. Like what is it he most fears about ending up in Slytherin? That James will mock him? That his family will think less of him? That he'll be bullied? That there'll be Death Eaters' kids there who'll hold his father defeating Voldemort against him?

You do a really good job of portraying the sense of rush in the second chapter and also the sense of chaos on the platform.

Hmm, this chapter gives very little indication as to what is going to happen in the story, which is hardly surprising as they are just preparing to return to Hogwarts. That leaves us curious to know what's going to happen. It's left me wondering what Albus's experience at Hogwarts will be like and what house he will be in. Somehow I've a feeling he'll be in Gryffindor. I don't know why. I just get that impression.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm going to work on it! Thank you for reading it! It means so much!

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