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Review:adluvshp says:
Hey! Here for your requested review from the forums :)

I think this was a great start to your story. So far, I like your portrayal of Tonks. I also like the idea of the memory/dream haunting her. I did feel Andromeda's reaction was a little too extreme though, so I hope there's a subplot that you'll explore thoroughly regarding that as I am quite intrigued by Andromeda and her sisters' history - or what you have in mind for that anyway.

As far as Tonks' characterisation goes, I can't comment much just yet since it's only the first chapter but I liked how you introduced her. Her personality seems to be similar to that of cannon - clumsy and curious - and I like that. I also like how this is situated after OoTP and the duel at the Department of Mysteries obviously affects her - that is something realistic. I liked the little snippets of her feelings for Remus as well, and I am curious as to whether there'll be any buildup of that.

So far, you seem to be doing well with her portrayal and it will be interesting to see how Tonks develops as a character and goes into the direction you seem to have hinted at in the summary. This chapter has definitely set the scene very well, so good job.

As for CC, I'd just say that perhaps your dialogue is a little off. I am not too good with dialogue myself so I won't say it's awful, because it's not, it's just that at times it doesn't sound natural.

For instance, the parting sentence that Tonks tells her mother would sound better if re-worded in some way as right now it sounds strange, something of the sort that perhaps a child would say and Tonks is an adult so I'd expect her to speak slightly differently.

I did like how you phrased Andromeda's dialogues though - they were motherly and natural enough - so I'd just suggest working on Tonks' dialogues again. Also, I spotted a few spelling errors here and there, nothing that a thorough re-read can't fix.

Those are only my suggestions, and I understand every author has a different POV, so feel free to take them or leave them =)

Besides that, I really liked this first chapter and it has piqued my interest. I certainly hope you'll re-request. Good luck for the rest of the story!


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