Hi, Roxana! I think I squealed with happiness when I saw you request because it has Remus/Tonks (even, if it's not centric it still appears!) and just the general plot idea sounds incredible!
First of all, I liked how she had a minor clumsy moment as it was very Tonks-like and I hope that continues throughout the story. The one thing is that I have an issue with so far is her dialogue. She said words like 'silly' and 'delicous' and to me they seem too tame for Tonks. This might just be me, but I remember her just saying crazy things in the books so maybe look up those words in a thesaurus and make them more Tonks-like. :)
Yay you gave us a time-frame! Even though it's AU, I think including one really makes a difference as it keeps the reader grounded and it definitely helped me place myself.
One thing that intrigued me was the amount of time you dwelt on Sirius' death. I liked it here, but I would advise you to limit it in the future obviously because of what happens in this story! I'm really intrigued to see how she battles that issue though, because it seems to me that she still cares about him here.
I was a little confused as to why she was at St. Mungo's. I guessed she had a mental problem in reference to her worrying whether the Auror department would think her mad or not, it just wasn't clear enough for me so perhaps include a few more lines about her confusion or whatever, because to me she seemed a little too normal to be worrying.
I liked the mini-cliff-hanger you included in the chapter though. I really don't see much but I really love it when I do. Especially the fact that Tonks wanted to challenge her mother who she supposedly always got on really well with.
In my headcanon Tonks and her mum would have got on really well, but I actually really liked the tense atmosphere you created her and it was enhanced with the use of mother. I can see that if she has issues with her mother it might lead to her going against what her mother did and end up running to Bellatrix. That was a really clever thing to include.
One small thing in terms of dialogue is when Tonks begins to talk about the dream I would perhaps switch to mum as she's saying something confidential so that would seem better in my mind.
I really liked the ending! With her mother closing the subject like that I can only imagine that Tonks is going to search for her own answers now. That worked well in terms of characterisation as she has this curious air and I can see how that would lead her to Bellatrix and how B may then manipulate her with that.
I thought this was a really great chapter! I didn't spot any technical errors and I already gave you my view on the dialogue and characterisation. I hope this helps in some way!
Author's Response: Hey there Kiana! Ohh, you like Remus/Tonks? Remus is definitely my favourite Marauder, so I love stories about him as well. Not to mention that this pairing makes me warm and fuzzy inside. I think they're a great match!
I didn't plan to start the story with a Tonks-like moment. It just came to me. I was sitting in front of my screen, and this image of Tonks trying to push open a pair of doors that were clearly locked came to mind, so I used it :D
Actually, I think that's an amazing suggestion. I will make sure to re-read the story when I add the next chapter and revise Tonks's dialogue. It sounds like a great suggestion to improvise her characterisation.
She dwelt on Sirius's death so much in this chapter because it's closely linked to the reason that sets off her insatiable curiosity: the look her aunt Bellatrix had on her face when she killed him. I'm not saying that she didn't care for Sirius and she doesn't mourn his death, but more than feeling sad, she can't understand what happened with Bella when she killed him.
In the books it's said that after the Battle of the Department of Mysteries, Tonks has to remain at St. Mungo's for a few days to receive treatment. This chapter starts with her at St Mungo's after she has been discharged, but called for a check up. I borrowed this from our real life. After you've been in the hospital for a while and are allowed to go home, you must return after a while so they can check you up if the process of recovery is going well. This was my reasoning behind her appearance precisely in this place ;)
They do have a good relationship, but I see Andromeda as a very strict woman. She is somewhat like McGonagall in the sense that she doesn't allow much fooling around, or wasting time, or stuff like this. She loves her daughter and husband very much, but I simply can't picture her as being this overly warm, motherly woman. Even if she has had the incredible courage to go against her family and marry Ted, I can't see her forgetting where she came from and the education she's received for most of her childhood and young years. When you grow up, you don't completely change. You morph into someone new of course, but there still are traits in you that were formed when you were younger. Andromeda will indeed play a pretty important role in this story, you will see which ;)
Thank you so, so much for this amazing review! I loved reading every single line of it :x