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Review:AlexFan says:
Hey there! I'm here with your review (finally)!.

Alright, so you said that your character isn't supposed to be likable so I'm going to mention how well you achieved that. Abigail practically screams arrogant, stuck up, self-centered and haughty. Not exactly a combination that screams "I want to be your friend." She knows that she has a lot of power and she knows how to use it to get what she wants, by the looks of it at least.

And most of all, she's shallow. In fact, and I dislike saying this, all of your characters come off as shallow and cliche. I've read so many fanfictions with characters that have the same personality as Abigail and who have the same sort of relationship with James or any of the other Potter/Weasley's. This is just the beginning of the story however so I'm hoping that as this goes on all of your characters will gain more depth to them and we learn more about them and their imperfections and their family life.

I sit on my chaise lounge, flipping through the latest issue of Witch Weekly. The magazine is shallow and little bit stupid, but I do feel the need to keep an eye on any gossip. I canít let people think Iím uninformed, now can I?

That part made me burst into laughter because it's the pot calling the kettle black. Not that Abigail is stupid (she wouldn't be in Ravenclaw if she was) but the part where she called the magazine shallow was the entertaining part.

The flow wasn't bad, I felt like there were some parts that were a tad choppy but nothing big and it didn't interrupt the flow of your chapter that much. There were also a couple of grammatical errors but they don't exactly stand out unless you're looking for them.

For a first chapter this definitely wasn't boring but I did find it to be a bit slow. Then again, I prefer slightly more action-packed first chapters so this may just be me who thinks this.

Not a bad start to a story and I hope I wasn't too negative.

Author's Response: Hi there!

Abigail is definitely a mean character right now, and that's sort of my point. So often the mean girl characters are the enemy, so I really wanted to write one as the primary focus of the novel. As for the shallowness of all of the characters, this chapter is just an introductory. All of the character's have backstories and hidden personalities that come to a head later on in the story, but just as it takes time to get to know a person in real life, I'm taking a while to expose the inner details of the characters.

Yes, I love that line - it shows that Abigail doesn't really understand herself at all, which is fun to play with in later chapters. :)

Since it's just my first chapter, it wasn't really meant to be action-packed. I do like those chapters that jump straight into the action, but I also think those take a lot a skill to do so that the reader isn't left confused, so I kind of shied away from that here.

Thanks for your review, and I will definitely take your advice to heart! Please don't think I'm being overly defensive in this response, I'm just stating some of my opinions! :)

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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