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Review:navyfail says:
Hi, Amanda! I'm here from the review exchange. :)
I usually review as I read so sorry if I say anything confusing. :P

First off, I like that this is a story with Peter as a main character. Not a lot of authors are keen on writing on or about him. And the addition of so many familiar character is also great!

I really love how we see this sort of internal conflict in Peter. You can see how he struggles to keep all his information and loyalties to both sides aligned. I love how you mentioned how he tries to hide his other self, the one that was a both a Gryffindor and Marauder. That also makes him seem very in-character.

I also notice that as he adds in a lot comments in his mind about each of them (his Gryffindor friends). First he says good things than he reminds himself of one of their flaws. It's like he is convincing himself that betraying them isn't as bad.

And we meet Severus. you portrayed him that is. How he thinks that the prophecy is talking about the Longbottoms reminds me a lot of the Harry Potter books, which is a great thing! Seeing his thoughts on Dumbledore is refreshing. Most stories don't add that in.

Peter's Gryffindor side is coming out as he goes to his flat. I love how he is slowly feeling bold though there is some doubt hidden in. His wondering on how the Dark Lord will react is realistic and understandable.

The last parts are my favorite. That is when you truly see the switching of sides between the two. And I loved the mention of Regulus, Narcissa, Bellatrix, Molly, Mary, and all the others.

The only thing that stuck out to me was this: "Out of habit-he was the product of a respectable witch, after all-he averts his gaze." Instead of witch I think 'wizard' may fit in better.

Overall, this is an extraordinary one-shot!! You should definitely be proud of it! I loved so many parts of it and how you sprinkled meaningful details and known characters throughout.


Author's Response: Hi Sama, thanks for coming by :)

Yeah, it's a shame Peter isn't more popular, because I think he's really intriguing and there's a lot of ground there for new portrayals, which isn't something you can necessarily say about the other three boys. Maybe he's challenging because it's hard to romanticize him. I don't know. But I definitely enjoyed creating my own spin on him. I really wanted that conflict to come through because I think Peter is weak deep down inside and it wouldn't be so easy for him to just turn off his past and go through easily with his mission--especially with skilled wizards like James and Sirius sitting across the table from him.

As for Severus, I'm more familiar with him and at times I do find him easier to work with. At other times, though, he's a challenge for me too. It felt right to really explore the nitty-gritty of how he felt about others and the disparaging remarks he made, because he keeps a lot inside and always talks about how important that is and I'm sure he's learned a lot from his observations of other people.

I'll admit that most of the other characters were just there to accent the main two men, but I'm happy they were effective nonetheless :)

Well, what I was trying to get at with the quote is that usually it's your mother who is always fussing at you about manners and being proper and not being rude to others. I figured Peter's mother could have yelled at him for staring when he was a little kid. I'm sorry if that part was confusing, though!

Thanks so much for your awesome review :) I had a fun time trading with you this month!


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