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Review:Elphaba and Boyfriends says:
Hi, Elphaba here! I enjoyed reading this piece quite a bit; sorry for being so slow with the review.

I really like the intriguing list of feelings that kick off the story -- I interpret them as a catalog of Myrtle's feelings. There are a few inconsistencies in the words that I might edit to improve the flow, though. Instead of "Anger," you might use "Angry." Instead of "Fear," try "Afraid." And maybe "Submission," Could become "Submissive." Finally, I might remove "Death." because "Dead," is used earlier.

You do a really great job of capturing Myrtle's desperation for human contact. I love this line in particular: "I can feel the loss of attachment and breaking bonds. But I cannot feel the physical pain that I so oddly long for. I want to feel

Almost everything that you include about Myrtle's life and afterlife fits with how I see her, while shedding new light on her character. For instance, even though I never imagined her having a boyfriend, the bit about her first boyfriend that she never got to kiss fits with the aura of misery that she seems to project. There is just this one statement that I don't think quite fits with everything else: "I was a happy person." :)

Finally, I really like the way you used the quote from the challenge. It was a great choice to pair it with Myrtle, and I like how you change it to first-person at the end: "When did I last laugh?"

:) Great work!

Author's Response: Elphaba :) Hello!
I'm sorry I'm so slow with the reply.

I have realized that maybe there are too many words, and some parts-of-speech type of consistencies. That will definitely be a do-over when I edit this.

If I may be slightly shameless, I'd like to tell you that I kinda like that line too, and I'm glad you got the emotion behind it!

I thought that maybe adding a casual human touch; a little bit of what we all have, into the story, I would be lending relate ability to her character. Again, when I edit, I'll see if that line does fit. I put it there to emphasize on how much she has changed, from happy to absolutely bitter.

Thank you :) I feel like I did make a nice choice after reading reviews like these :)


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