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Review:adluvshp says:
Hey! Here for your requested review from the forums.

This was an interesting first chapter. I liked how you started off with McGonagall, then moved on to Oddsocks, and finally revealed about what had happened to Sadie. It all unraveled in a suspenseful and intriguing way and I liked that.

Your descriptions were nice and clear, and I was really into the narrative while reading. The plot indeed is something solid and fresh, and I am looking forward to see which direction it is headed in.

The pace of your story seems to be good, you haven't transitioned too fast from the prologue into the first chapter. It definitely flowed well and fitted with the prologue, further introducing Sadie and making me more acquainted with her.

However, as this was the first chapter and not a prologue anymore, I'd expect you to provide your readers with some more details to help connect with Sadie. For instance, when you describe her through McGonagall's eyes - you focus on describing her emotions etc. That is very good but I'd have liked it better if along with that you had also given some details regarding her personal appearance so I could visualise her. Similarly, in the end when you describe everything from Sadie's point of view, I'd have perhaps liked to know more of what she was thinking. You portrayed what she was feeling - fear, nervousness, excitement, - but to connect with her, what was going on in her mind is also important for me to know.

Of course, this is only the first chapter so you need not worry so much. Just ensure that you try to incorporate more details such as those in future chapters, and if you ever edit this chapter, try to include all that. However, these are my suggestions only, and everyone has different points of view, so feel free to take them or leave them.

That was the only CC I had for you. Apart from that, this was a very well-written chapter. The imagery in some parts was very good, and your characterisations of McGonagall, Oddsocks, and Sadie all seem great so far. You have definitely built an air of intrigue around this so I am interested to read further. Your grammar and all is also fine.

Hope I was helpful and not harsh.

Good work,
9/10
Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

P.S. Feel free to re-request when the next chapter is up =)

Author's Response: Thank you! Sorry I'm a little slow getting your response up. First week of school kinda did me in.

Glad you found the first chapter interesting! Many years ago and different versions of this story ago, this first chapter didn't exist. But when I finally decided to stop pretending like I wasn't writing this story and post it for people to read, I realized I needed a better way to introduce my character, and this part was born. Really excited that you thought it worked and liked it.

I will have to re-read back through the chapter and look at what you pointed out. I really don't want to do the traditional "introduction" paragraph where I describe her completely, as I do like an aura of mystery still, but I also thought I had dropped clues about what Sadie looked like throughout the chapter. The fact that you're not picking them up probably means I didn't do that very well. So, thanks for the heads up.

I will work on the what she's thinking verses what she's feeling. I guess in my brain, I always kind of thought they were the same thing. *sheepish grin*

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and offer me such wonderful praise as well as thoughtful advice to consider! I really do appreciate the time it takes you to do this. :) I will certainly take you up on your re-request offer when I get the next chapter up!

Thanks again!
-Farmgirl


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