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Review:StellaRose says:
Hello! It's Emmy with your requested review :)

First off, it's refreshing to see an OC that is unashamed and even flaunts her imperfections. She's brutally honest and even though others may be unkind, she doesn't fight back. She takes what's coming her way but doesn't let it affect her.

Overall, your writing style does a nice job of representing your characters. I feel like I'm inside the head of a moody, sullen teenager--and that's a good thing!

Favorite quote is 'My whole family was already dying.' Another part that shook me was when Harley told the OC that she was dying herself. How morbid! I can only imagine how messed up your character must be. To have her friends not want to be around her because she's dealing with death is horrible. I hope her friends at Hogwarts are able to help her--I can't wait to read and find out!

I do have some minor cc and it's mainly the order that the information is given. For example, if you're starting off with her saying she liked to pretend she had friends in the muggle neighborhood, then I think you should have the part of WHY she doesn't have friends right after it. That part where she overhears the girls is really powerful and I think it should go first.

After that, then you could go into more about her family's deaths and Harley. The last bit could be where you talk about her friends at Hogwarts and give a hint about where the story is going.

I don't think you need to rewrite anything, just think about possibly moving things around to make it an easier read.

All in all, I really liked how this set the tone for your story. It was short and to the point and makes the reader curious about this girl who has known so much death in her life already.

I really do like the title too, that alone made me want to read it :)

Keep up the good work and feel free to request again!

--Emmy

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review!

This chapter is definitely one I like to go back to when reading later chapters to see how much my OC has changed. She really has!

I'm pretty good at writing for Dorcas because sometimes she just acts so childish. It's fun to put her in her place, too.

I think even more importantly than the quote is the person who said it. Her sister has a lot to do with how she's grown up as well. Her friends definitely have and will help out.

Thanks for giving me some pointers on where to place things. I always felt this chapter was a bit out of order.

I'm glad you enjoyed it, and hope to hear from you soon!


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