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Review:StellaRose says:
Hey there! It's Emmy with your requested review :)

First off, I'm in awe of your characters. It's obvious you've spent a lot of time planning them out and doing research on their families and everything. Kudos! Even the sorting must have taken some work and I thought it was very well done!

I've never heard of Lily Potter being called LP and I love it! So original and very fitting for your Lily. She has a ton of spunk and I like her already!

I do think you need more description when you're introducing characters. This will help the reader not feel so bombarding with new people and give all of your characters a chance to shine!

Also, keep in mind that you don't necessarily have to introduce everyone all at once. Just introduce the key characters and wait until there is an important plot moment to introduce someone new.

I am slightly confused about where the story is going. The summary said it's about James and McCartney but so far I really don't know anything about her except that she's really nervous around James. I would have liked to have seen some more interaction between them so I have a better understanding of how they're going to interact in the future.

Also, how is Lily going to play a part in this story? She pretty much dominated the end of Ch. 1 and all of Ch. 2. Don't get me wrong, I think you did an awesome job with her but as I reader I'm left in the dark about how she fits in the overall plot with James and McCartney.

All in all though, your dialogue is great and even though you didn't have a ton of description I still felt as though I knew your characters just be reading the dialogue between them.

Good start and feel free to request again :)

--Emmy

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for this review, it's brilliant! And thank you for complimenting my characters. I really did spends countless hours researching and mulling over all the canon sources to get them just right. I try to keep everything as canon as I possibly can, because I want things to be how JKR intended and I want to stay as true to her vision as I can without being you know "basic."

Thank you! I love LP too! She's a darling to write and she has so many nicknames; LP, Lily, Lily Luna, Lily Lu, Little Potter! She's so much fun to write and I do try to keep her original, because I feel like she's kind of always a side character, because of all the James II/OCs and Albus/OCs. Also someone's already mentioned how I made her a brunette and not a ginger! Aha! But I just really like the idea of her being a brunette instead of a ginger so yeah that's just my way of making her stand out more ya know?

Oh yes! I'm not going to go into a long spiel, but this story has been change, rechanged, and edited about four times. Originally it was a Lily/Scorpius fic, but then I re-edited it to incorporate McCartney (who was then McCartney Darlington), an Albus/OC plotline, and a Rose/OC plotline.

So then I added in a bigger plot, but I felt the story was trying to cover too much and trying to stretch too far. So I edited it again... And I changed McCartney's entire persona and I re-evaluated all the other OCs and relationships.

So that's why Lily was so dominate in chapters 1 & 2, because she was the original main character. But McCartney gets to shine some more in the later chapters, and the other couples get their spotlight moments too.

And thank you again for the review! It really helped me prioritize and thank you, thank you again!

Sincerely, Ireland :)

P.S. Meep this is really long omg aha!


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