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Review:StellaRose says:
Hey there! It's Emmy with your review :)

First off, I love your story so far! Ellie is a great OC that is quirky and quite humorous, even if it's mostly sarcastic. It's also apparent that she's fiercely protective of her family because she's terrified of losing them. Because of that, she's reluctant to let people in. You've done a great job at developing her and I think the dialogue between the characters is believable and flows well.

This quote in particular was fantastic, 'I felt a familiar pang of panic at his tone. It was one of my greatest fears, that I'd lose Chris the way I'd lost Dad. That one day, the reality of life would get to be too much and he'd just...float away.'

Reading that made me really connect to Ellie and understand her better. She sees ghosts all the time and yet what she's really afraid of is not people dying, but losing them.

Al Potter, I'm not going to lie it's so cliche but I absolutely loved their banter in Ch. 1. Loved it! It was really funny and I love how you made teenage Al such an arrogant git.

Yeah Buddy, Regulus Black is in the house! This story just went from a 6 or 7 to a 10 in a heart beat. I love that you have him in here! The only thing that was weird for me was that he seemed too modern. I understand that he's been wandering around the modern world for 'awhile' but I still think that he would sound more like a pompous pureblood. Everything else about him was perfect though, great description.

Last but not least, you wondered about description. I think Ch. 2 was amazing with a capital 'A'. Ch. 1 is good but could be better. For example, in the very beginning instead of saying 'Five-year-old-things' you could have actually described her view of the world. Also, I really wanted to know more about the grandmother. What she looked like and just in general more about Ellie's feelings when she saw her.

Final thing was the music room. I realize that Chris's musical talent is probably important to the plot in some way but for me that scene seemed out of place. It seemed to jump out of no where and then go no where. Unless it is absolutely important to your plot, I would cut it from Ch. 1 and add in the music part later on in your story.

So glad you requested! Your story was actually on my 'to read' list anyway :) GREAT start and I look forward to reading more!

--Emmy

Author's Response: Wow, that was quick! I feel really bad for taking so long with my requested reviews, now.

Yeah, Ellie is mostly sarcastic, but as sarcasm is the easiest form of wit, I find it the easiest to write. And yes! You've hit the nail right on the head about her view on death and loss!

Al is pretty cliche, but I hope that if I write it well enough, people will overlook it and just... enjoy it anyway.

OMG, I've wanted to write a cool Regulus for so long, so this seemed like the perfect place to include him. And he's so modern because he's almost... overcompensating, in a way, along with the fact that he was pretty young when he died.

Thank you for the feedback about the description in chapter one - especially about the music room. I'll keep that in mind if/when I re-edit.

Thanks for the lovely review!


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