Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:MadiMalfoy says:
Hi, I'm here with your requested review! :)

You asked about your characterization of Peter and Severus, so I will start with that. I think you nailed them perfectly. I haven't had the chance to read many Peter-central stories so this was definitely a good one to start with. You've captured his interior turmoil so well that it is canon. He's buried his Gryffindor roots underneath his worry about the Dark Lord and any repercussions he might face if the Order of the Phoenix finds out what he did. He acts just like his animagus form would--mousing his way in to the Death Eaters and telling Voldemort where James & Lily lived and expecting to get something for this valuable information.

And Severus! Phenomenal! I've written a piece with him and it was hard for me to get into his character, but you've got him down pat. He's conflicted with his alliances towards the Order of the Phoenix and the Death Eaters and also with his feelings towards James versus Lily. He knows he's in a bad position at the end of the piece but he stays for Lily's sake.

With the timeline, I think the only thing that would be slightly confusing is the "wintery" word used a lot. It would make more sense to use autumn terminology instead so that people realize, oh, it's the end of October and not the middle of December. I love the fact that you had Alice watching Harry and Frank watching the adults, but who's watching Neville? ;)

You had a wonderful amount of imagery as well--no need to be hung up on that, as it meshed with the scenes and helped to describe the mood of each separate scene.

Overall, a phenomenal one-shot, I personally loved it!

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for stopping by! I'm sorry about the slight delay in getting this response to you :)

I'm really pleased to hear that the characterization came across well. Peter and Severus are both such intricate young men, particularly during this confusing time, and I wanted to really showcase that while also highlighting the similarities I noted between them. I also love the idea of Peter's behavior being ratlike in nature; I don't know that it came across that way on purpose, but I like the meaning because it contrasts with Snape's brave decision to stick with the Order at the end.

I didn't even notice that I used "wintery" a lot, so thanks for pointing that out. I'll have to go back and take a second look. I think what I was trying to convey was that foreboding chill that you sometimes get in the late fall, the cold wind that lets you know winter is coming. As for Neville, I thought maybe Alice could keep an eye on Harry and Neville at the same time :)

Thanks so much for your lovely review!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 198
Submit Report: