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Review:marauderfan says:
Here with your requested review!

Oh wow! I really didn't like Dorcas in this chapter. I mean I understand she's going through a lot and trying to figure out how to process it, but I don't know how Lily (or anyone) can deal with her when she's like that, she was so rude, and possessive of the Marauders which I found really childish. (I don't mean to say that your writing is at fault here. I just don't like the character at the moment. I hope she comes to her senses soon!)

There were some minor issues with continuity in this - I was wondering how Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore knew all about the Marauders and Dorcas being Animagi. Because that kind of negates much of PoA. Also, how does Dorcas know about the Order already?

The section where Lily tells her story threw me off for a bit because it switches POV to Lily's first person, when the rest is Dorcas' first person POV. I think, in order to keep the POV consistent, you could make Lily's story in third person. Then there wouldn't be a weird switch. :)

Hope I wasn't too brutal in this review, I'm just annoyed by the characters all being irritating at the moment! :P But the plot is good. Keep up the good work! :)

Author's Response: Everyone does! It's definitely unfair of Dorcas to be saying and doing all of the things she is in this chapter, but there is a point. Dorcas does some big growing up in the chapters that are coming up.

I feel so bad about this part. I like completely disregarded the fact that dumbledore and pomfrey don't know about them, and I definitely have to fix that. I didn't even realize until about three weeks ago and I haven't gotten around to changing it. Sorry for that!

I think I'll change that as well because I don't think lilys storytelling is good or very flowing either. Thanks for your insightful review!


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