Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:academica says:
Hello HMP, I'm here with your requested review!

I think this was a very good first attempt at using present tense! Personally, I feel it's healthy to experiment with new elements in writing, and kudos to you for being willing to try it out for yourself. The flow here seemed to work just fine for me, so I wouldn't worry too much about that. I didn't really see any major problems with grammar, either--perhaps a couple of forgotten commas, but certainly no major flow interruptions.

I think you did a very nice job setting up Peter's betrayal here, and I'm impressed that you were able to hold on to his "good nature" for as long as you did. He just seemed like he was put in a directly desperate situation and did what he did in an attempt to save his own skin, not unlike other Death Eaters, I'm sure. (Not everyone has Bellatrix's undying enthusiasm, let's be honest.) In the end, though, you definitely convinced the reader that he got what was coming to him, and you gave us a glimpse inside his head during the chaos of the conflict inside the Shrieking Shack.

I also really liked your narrative style of flipping back and forth between brief flashbacks and the story being told in real time. I especially liked the brevity of the flashbacks and the way they seemed to be continually interrupted by the action because that just seemed realistic and appropriate pace-wise. I also liked the inclusion of the "tick, tock" theme because it was like Peter was literally counting down what remained of his freedom and potentially his life.

I don't have a lot of crit for you, I'm afraid--I definitely did enjoy this story, and I always enjoy reading portrayals of characters that differ from my own, especially very good ones like this :)

Hope this review is (somewhat) helpful!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hi Amanda, thanks for responding to my request :D

I completely agree about trying out new things in writing and this was definitely new territory for me, generally I like to write fluffy stories so this was really different but fun nonetheless. I'm really terrible with my comma use, I either use far too many or not enough. It's definitely something I'm trying to work on!

Peter is such a complex character and it's tough to do him justice and I think that's why he's not often a main character in fanfiction I did want to explain his reasoning behind switching sides and having him captured and threatened seemed like a cowardly way to have him do it but ultimately I wanted him to be 'the bad guy' so I'm pleased that came across!

The flashbacks were something I really debated over including but I wanted Peter to be looking back at how his life had come to this point so I'm really happy you liked them! I think his whole perspective of things would have been chaotic at this point and wanted the story to reflect that.

No crit is absolutely fine, sometimes it's amazing to read a review that simply praises your story and this one really made me smile. Thanks so much!

-Dee xx


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 358
Submit Report: