|Review:||nott theodore says:|
Sophie! You snuck this chapter in without me realising it, otherwise I would have been here a lot earlier! This was such a cute chapter of the story!
Your writing is getting better with each new piece of yours I read! There were so many lines here that I thought JK herself could have written and it really made me smile when I read them. I love the fact that you chose to write about George and Angelina as well; I like the idea of them being a couple and it makes me sad when I read about them never being happy because of Fred. I don't think of them like that and I liked your portrayal of them here.
At the beginning I thought that you captured George's grief really well. I wasn't left in any doubt about what the chapter was going to be about and I could feel this current of sadness running through the story. I really felt sorry for George here and you made me feel sad as well, which is great to do as a writer!
Another thing I thought you did well in the opening scenes was the way that you wrote the Weasleys; you didn't include too many of them for the first part of a story but the ones that you did include were well written and I thought that they behaved consistently with their canon characters. The mentions of Molly cooking George bacon and eggs for breakfast and Charlie drinking when he was troubled were particularly good; they felt natural and fit with the story.
The personification and repetition of That Feeling worked really well, and as a quote (I think it was a quote, right?) it was worked in seamlessly. It sort of took on its own life during the story and I thought that was a great interpretation of the way that grief affects people's lives; I think the grief of losing Fred would affect George more than anyone.
There was some brilliant description in this piece. You really made full use of imagery and similes and metaphors here to enhance your writing, but without loading it too heavily for the story. One of my favourites was "wearing it like a toddler draped in a coat that was too big for him".
I loved the way that Angelina arrived and the two of them struggled to even speak at first, but that seeing her helped George to remember that he isn't the only one who has lost something, and isn't the only one who is suffering. The way you wrote it was very believable and realistic for me to read. The way that they realised spending time together made them happier and helped them to forget was really cute, and you built up to the ending really well.
There were a couple of mistakes with dialogue tags and a couple of typos, but I'm sure that another read through would fix those.
The ending really made me smile; you got across the fact that even though the grief doesn't go away, it does become easier to live with and I thought you showed that well with the last couple of lines.
Author's Response: Sian! Hiya! You can't believe how happy this review made me, thank you so much! :)
Hahah thanks - I keep on striving to improve my writing each time. :O WOWSAS thank you! *swoons* I love George and Angelina, and George is such a funny character who's constantly making people laugh and feel better. The only person I think he can't make feel better is himself, and once the closest person he had was gone, I think he wouldn't know how to cope. He must've been beyond despair, and I think that the only way to help heal that wound was to perhaps meet someone who felt the same way, or just a distraction I guess. I did try to not include any guilt about Fred, I thought it just wasn't like them to carry on looking back, and live their life in regret.
I didn't want it to be too crammed with characters, I definitely wanted this to be about George and his emotions, and his developing relationship with Angelina. I couldn't resist dropping in some of Charlie though, he's often forgotten, and he's so awesome!
No it wasn't a quote! Hahah I just made it up :P I wanted it to seem like a whole other person, for people to empathise more with George and see where he was coming from. I think George would see his grief more of this kind of figure, or object, he had to overcome and having it personified was actually really fun for me to weave in :).
Yayy! I wanted to really paint a picture in the reader's head, and make it as realistic as possible. Thank you! I thought of the expression when people say "carrying a burden on your shoulders" or something along those lines, but I wanted another version of that that I could use for George!
Angelina has so many memories with Fred -- obviously not as many as George did -- but she went to the Yule Ball with him and stuff and whether she actually had feelings for him I'm not too sure. I really like them as a couple, and I wanted them to kind of grow attached to each other again in a day!
I'll read back through those and sort them out :) Thank you very much for such a long, detailed, and amazing review, it was lovely of you to drop by!