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Review:handknittedsweaters says:
Hi there! It's lemonpeeps finally getting back on that review you asked for a very very long time ago. I won't really bother giving excuses but I did, honestly forget after my summer holidays started and work began to pick up.

From what you originally requested it looks like you did edit, its longer now and I think that's always a good thing. Adding more content and description.

For starters I noticed a grammatical error. You say "hadn't got" in 6th paragraph when I think it makes more sense to say "didn't have" You don't have to change it if you kept it in for voice but it doesn't really match the style of the rest of the writing in the chapter, more formal so I would personally change it. And if you didn't notice I pointed it out to you!

Second of all I am so glad you're not writing in first person. I really think that gets old after a while on this site so this is super refreshing.

Your opening is fantastic. I love your descriptive language, they appeal to your hearing and seeing senses. If you did it correctly you might add a description about temperature or humidity since it's raining and there are many people in the room. I think that done correctly it will further draw the reader in and they will have a bigger understanding of the vibes of the room and what's going on. (but on at the same time it could over do your description and make it cluttered so its entirely up to you if you want to do that.)

I also love your introduction about Rose and how you spill all her secrets and she becomes a real human being with real problems and aspirations and dreams.

Yay! You have a fantastic first chapter. Maybe think about adding more about what the room looks like when everyone leaves and it's just Rose sitting amongst the, what I am assuming, is the intense clutter of a newsroom. You did such a good job in the beginning you should continue that through the chapter.

I hope this is kind of what you were looking for and again, so terribly sorry about being so bad at replying!

the best of luck to you
and I've added this to my favorite stories

ox,
lemonpeeps

Author's Response: Hello there! Don't worry about it, my summer's been so crazy too I've been dreadful with reviews!

I'm really glad that you found it was improved and I can't thank you enough for those suggestions as they helped so much! The grammatical change does make sense now I think about it, and I would prefer the style to be succinct throughout so thanks!

I know the description kind of dropped in the second part of the chapter! It's a massive fault of mine which very much needs to be fixed! Your pointers were so helpful I'll definitely incorporate them into my story.

Thank you for the wonderful compliments about the chapter, they mean so much to me! I'll definitely include your ideas and it was more than what I was looking for! Also, thanks for adding it to your favourites :D

-Kiana


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