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Review:APerkins says:
Thankyou sooo much for bringing nathan back in. All of a sudden I was like "ahh, this story might be going somewhere!"
i know you said in your last review response that it was a slow warm up so I'm happy to enjoy the ride, but patience is not a strong point of mine. lol
Ive been trying to think why I like this story so much, and I think it is in large part the world you have created and the interaction of the characters in it. And the characters themselves.

The line about Mel's owl kinda sat with me and made me think for a while, because I know in JKR, she mentions Percy's "handsome tawny owl", while Mel's owl was just a tawny. She (JKR) gave the owl a bit of character, an extra line or two - I cant even remember which book to look it up but I am sure we are left with the impression of a haughty, pompous owl, much like it's owner, while Mels owl is more of a throaway line that jsut adds to the creation of the world.
I sat wondering whether that type of description is important, or whether it is more a matter of jsut personal style.

I think there is a bit to be said for adding in a little more description. I dont mean to say you should write more like JKR, because you have your own unique writing style, and what you have done is create action and interaction, rather than a richly descriptive world. In some ways, what interactions that occur in your world describe the world for us anyway, but I think there would be a case perhaps for making sure there is enough description included.
(to summarise what I just said: I like what you are doing. You could put in more descriptions but they arent necessary to make it a good story.)

I hate peter. Not the peter in your story per se, but I hate Peter. I cant stand reading about him I hate him. You haven't even made him out to be a bad pathetic character particularly, and I kinda wish you would just so I could be justified in hating him.

I also appreciate having another antagonist in the story. Dont get me wrong, Im enjoying the fluff, but I like the drama too!

Author's Response: Firstly I'm really glad to hear that about the characters! I know you said in the beginning that they didn't seem to be that spectacular so it's really lovely to hear that you like them now :D

That's a really good point about the owl, I hadn't thought about that! He does show up later and does some amusing stuff but since this is his first appearance maybe I should give him some personality in this chapter, lol.

I think I've gotten better at descriptions in the time since I wrote this story, but yeah sometimes I wonder if I should go back and add stuff here and there. But I think I'll always be able to find things to improve in this, since it was my first story.. I'd be editing forever haha!

Your comment about Peter made me laugh! I wrote him that way because as much as we hate him for what he did later, he WAS their friend at school, and so he had to be someone they'd like and trust. (I've also written a one-shot about Peter's betrayal- and in that, he is obviously much less likeable and your hatred of him would be justified! :P )

Thank you so much for this lovely and thoughtful review! ♥


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