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Review:adluvshp says:
Hey! Here for your requested review from the forums.

Wow, this was intense. I think it was perfect for a prologue, to set the scene for the story and provide background on your main character.

Your descriptions were very good, detailed yet not laid over too thick so clear. The terror and urgency of the situation was seeping through the narrative and I liked that. Anaxandra's emotions were running high and I could feel them while reading which was good.

Your story plot seems interesting and I am intrigued to see how her past has affected her personality in further chapters. You have gained my sympathy for Anaxandra here and made me connect with her which is very good for an opening chapter to a story. I am also quite interested to know about the events that led up to this, who were the people after them, what exactly was going on, which I am sure will be revealed slowly through the rest of the chapters, so another great way for setting up the story, good job.

As for your tense and grammar, I didn't spot any errors, and think you've done fairly well with it. The entire narrative flowed smoothly and I didn't see anything that could detract me from reading. The grammar was fine, and your descriptions good. The pace of the chapter, as a prologue, was also fitting. I don't think you have much to worry about here =)

As for CC, the only thing I can think of is to perhaps use a bit more imagery to add the 'dramatic' factor to the scene and make it all the more surreal. For instance, the ending part where Anaxandra is watching her home burn, I'd have liked if you had slightly drawn out that part, described the fire licking her home and taking away her memories a bit more, before the emotion kicked in and she ran away. Similarly, the part where she can't find any escape from the tunnel could also have been made more thrilling and dramatic if the right amount of imagery/descriptions were used. But that's just me, as I enjoy a bit more description than usual, so if this works for you as it is, it's cool too =)

Rest, I'd say this is an amazing start to the story. Already, Anaxandra feels very much real. You have characterised her wonderfully and I am excited to see her develop. Your grammar and tense etc. was all fine so no worries there. The over all theme, pace, flow, and reader-interest of this chapter was very good. I am very much drawn into the story now and hope to read more, so please feel free to re-request.

Great job!


Author's Response: Ah thank you so much! I'm a new author, so I struggle very much with finding the happy medium with imagery. Sometimes I feel like it's rushed or I need to add more, and then I just end up mixing it up. You'll notice I have a lot more detail in some chapters than others, and I'm definitely going to fix that.

I'm glad you like my OC. The only problem is, this isn't the way she is throughout the whole story and I hope that doesn't deter you.

Again, thank you for the CC, it means a lot :)

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