I'll be honest - I really have a problem with Next Gen stories. I don't like them (and they don't like me - so that's fine I guess)
But every once in a while, I find a story and I GET IT! Suddenly, everything makes sense.
Like now, for example. I think your story hits all the right points. Feisty narrator, teenage problems, magic. It works! I suppose you've hit the golden middle of the genre with this one.
First, I really do like the narrator. She's funny and it's not forced. And you are lucky with her, because she has a knack of getting through facts really quickly.
My favourite part, though, is her family. The many languages, music room (!), quidditch field in the back yard, Golden Trio kids as friends. It's pretty much any teen's dream. Contrasted with the whole "seeing dead people" ordeal, I can really see potential for a real character arc...and I want to read about it.
I really did enjoy the crisp narration, the mysterious set-up and the characters. But I really can't go on without mentioning this sentence:
"There was a drum kit in the far corner, a double bass and cello near the floor-length window, at least three guitars scattered around, an open violin case lying on top of a hall table that Chris had “acquired” from the actual hallway where it belonged, lying next to a haphazard stack of music theory books, and what might have been a flute, was hanging precariously off a single timpani, all amongst other music-related paraphernalia, such as reeds, bows, various types of drumsticks, a broken keyboard, a very old amplifier, including electrically unsafe leads, a music stand or four, and sheets and sheets of music covered with Chris’ large, cursive handwriting in purple, and my much neater and smaller handwriting in green."
Uhm, so I get that you wanted to create a sense of abundance. But it seems like you couldn't really settle for a simple list, and couldnt find a place to put a period either. It's your story and all, but I'd really try to reign in that monster sentence up somehow. It's pretty wild :)
Right. Well, I'll be back for more, you can count on it!
P.S. are her eyes ever going to get stuck from all that rolling?
Author's Response: Thank you! Her family is amazing, I agree. I adore both Chris and her father. And yes. That sentence kind of ran away from me. I was going in with the idea of overwhelming the reader with all the clutter and haphazard nature of the room, but perhaps a full stop (or three) may not be amiss!
Thanks for dropping by! This was such a lovely review!